


The Bachelor

by Sweetgirl2019



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-22
Updated: 2020-03-02
Packaged: 2020-05-16 07:45:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 26,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19313743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sweetgirl2019/pseuds/Sweetgirl2019
Summary: After the events of high school, Michael, Isobel & Max moved to California while Liz, Maria & Kyle stayed in Roswell and Alex went to war overseas. Once his enlistment period ends, Alex gets thrown into something that brings him and Michael back together again.





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Slight alternate universe - canon divergence. Season 1 doesn't happen. I was trying to come up with something different and this idea popped in my head.

*****

 

                Groaning angrily, Isobel tossed the folder onto the table, crossing her arms at her chest. Leaning back in his chair, Max patiently lowered his own papers and raised his brow in question.

                “We’re never going to find them!” she exclaimed.

                Sighing, Max waited until she met his eyes before responding. “I know this is tough. Believe me, I feel it too. But we have to be patient. We can’t get frustrated or angry. We’ll draw attention to ourselves that way.”

                She rolled her eyes but gave a curt nod. “I just hate this so much.”

                “I know,” he agreed, offering a small smile.

                “Our people are out there, being tortured, held prisoners and we have no idea where they are or how to find them,” she said, running a hand through her long hair. “All we have is some name, Project Shepherd, but nothing we’ve found has given us even the slightest indication of what that is.”

                Max nodded but stayed silent, allowing her the space to vent her frustrations.

                “Caulfield can’t happen again, Max,” she whispered.

                Reaching across the table, he took her hand and squeezed, the slight pressure giving her comfort.

                “We won’t let that happen again,” he said, the finality in his words enough to give her confidence. “You, me and Michael, we’ll figure this out. I promise, Isobel. We’ll find our people.”

                She gave him a small smile before lifting the folder again just as the door to the beach house swung open and a grinning Michael sauntered inside.

                “Morning,” he exclaimed, taking a seat at the other end of the table.

                “Another one night stand?” Isobel smirked when he turned to face her. “Was it Melinda this time? Or Brian?”

                “It was Jenny,” he replied, lifting his legs onto the table and ignoring the look Max was giving him. “There hasn’t been a ‘Brian’ since high school. You know that.”

                “Oh yes, the elusive _Brian_ who ruined you for all other men,” Isobel chuckled. “So, Jenny was it?”

                “Aerobics instructor,” he grinned.

                “I don’t want to know,” Max grumbled.

                “Hey, just because you’re a eunuch doesn’t mean the rest of us have to follow your example,” Michael said, laughing at the offended look on his brother’s face.

                “I’m not a eunuch!” Max defended, heat rising to his cheeks. “I just don’t see the point in meaningless sex with strangers.”

                “Yeah, Max, we know. You need to have an emotional connection before giving your virginity to a girl,” Michael rolled his eyes.

                “I’m not a virgin!”

                Isobel laughed and held a hand up between them.

                “Stop teasing him, Michael,” she chastised and turned to Max. “You, stop taking the bait.”

                Max sighed and leaned back in his chair. “I just want to feel a connection first before I sleep with someone.”

                “Like you had with Liz way back when?” Isobel asked, her voice gentle.

                He looked away and nodded as Michael pulled his feet off the table.

                “Max, there comes a point when you have to move on. Seriously, dude, it’s been a decade,” he shook his head. “Whatever connection the two of you had, it wasn’t strong enough to make her stay. Both of you moved on. You haven’t even heard from her since then.”

                “Doesn’t mean my feelings went away,” Max said, his voice quiet.

                “You have to let her go, man. You’re just putting your life on hold,” Michael added.

                “Oh, and you’re not?” Isobel asked as he faced her with a frown.

                “Am I supposed to know what you’re talking about?”

                “ _Brian_?” she repeated the name. “What did you call the connection you had? Cosmic?”

                Michael swallowed and looked away as a grin began to form on Max’s face.

                “Cosmic, huh?” he asked. “Is that why all you’ve done for the last ten years is burry yourself in one hookup after another? Never letting yourself get attached? Why is that, Michael?”

                “Both of you can shut up,” he growled, reaching over to snag Isobel’s half empty mug of coffee. “How far did you guys get in the research?”

                His question was enough to break the pattern of conversation, steering them back towards the bigger issue at hand. As Isobel and Max started going through the details, Michael took a sip of the bitter coffee and sighed, not letting himself think about _Brian_.  
 

                ********

                Parking his car outside the Wild Pony, Alex closed his eyes and took a moment. His enlistment period had ended that morning, leaving him a free man for the first time in over a decade. The small savings he had in his bank account was cushion enough for him to drift for several months before reality would eventually kick in. As he sat behind his wheel, taking a deep breath, all that mattered was his freedom. That chapter of his life, filled with war, pain and a darkness that loomed over his dreams in the short hours that he slept, had finally ended.

                Making his way towards the bar, he swung the doors open and smiled at the onslaught of loud music and laughter. When his eyes found Maria’s through the crowd, he gave her a small wave and made his way over, laughing when she pulled him into a tight embrace over the counter.

                “I’m so glad you came out tonight,” she smiled, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “No more excuses, Alex. You’re back and you’re here to stay. I expect to see you at least four times a week.”

                “Four times?” he asked, his smile widening.

                “At least,” she narrowed her gaze, pointing her finger at him before giving a signal to her two bartenders that she was taking a break. “Come on, Liz and Kyle should be here soon.”

                Moving around the counter, she looped her arm through his and led him towards a reserved empty booth at the back of the room.

                “How does it feel?” she asked, sitting across from him and leaning forward on her elbows.

                “I feel free,” he shrugged. “To be honest, I don’t know how else I should feel after that. The military’s been such a big part of my life. I don’t know what happens next.”

                “You can always play music,” she offered.

                “I haven’t written or played the guitar since senior year,” he reminded her. “I probably don’t even remember how to hold it.”

                “Now _that_ I don’t believe,” she chuckled. “You were so amazing at it, Alex. Your lyrics, your voice. I always loved listening to you play.”

                “That was a long time ago,” he said and smiled as one of the bartenders brought four bottles of beer to their table. “Thanks, Jeff.”

                The other man smiled in reply, lingering for a beat too long before scurrying back behind the counter.

                “He likes you,” Maria pointed out.

                Laughing, Alex grabbed his bottle and took a long sip. “Answer’s still no, Maria.”

                “Come on, Alex!” she exclaimed. “You’ve been sexually abstinent since high school.”

                “No I haven’t,” he defended, glancing around to see if anyone had heard her sudden outburst.

                “Hand jobs and BJ’s behind military barracks don’t count.”

                He laughed at her words and took another sip. “This is you without any booze.”

                She wiggled her brows before leaning in to touch his hand. “I worry about you. Your life hasn’t been easy. I just want you to be happy.”

                His smile softened as he met her gaze. “So you think sex with Jeff the bartender will give me happiness?”

                “It’s a start,” she shrugged.

                “I _was_ happy, Maria. A long time ago,” he said, looking past her shoulder into thin air.

                “Museum Guy?” she asked and sighed when he nodded. “I want you to be happy like that again, Alex.”

                Before he could offer an answer, a pair of arms snaked around his shoulders from behind.

                “Hi,” Liz smiled, kissing his cheek before moving to sit beside Maria as Kyle slipped into the booth beside him.

                “You okay?” Alex asked when Kyle took several large sips of his beer.

                “Long night at the hospital, man,” he replied with a smile. “But we’re here to celebrate your retirement.”

                They lifted their beers and saluted one another, cheering Alex’s name. Once they’d settled back in their seats, Alex looked over at Liz and smiled.

                “You look funny.”

                “I love you,” she blurted, the words making his brow slowly rise. “You know that, don’t you?”

                “I love you too, Liz,” he replied, watching as she fidgeted with her hands. “Why do you look so suspicious?”

                She glanced through their faces and sighed. “I did something.”

                “What did you do?” Maria asked.

                Biting her lip nervously, Liz reached into her purse and pulled out a thick packet, sliding it towards Alex as everyone leaned in.

                “The Bachelor: Gay Heaven,” Alex read before laughter erupted from his throat. “Is this that reality television show?”

                “You didn’t!” Maria suddenly exclaimed.

                Alex and Kyle exchanged confused glances before both turned towards Liz.

                “What did you do?” he asked, the words coming out slowly.

                “I may have accidentally on purpose submitted an application in your name,” Liz replied and shrunk away, nervous for his reaction.

                Alex watched her for a long moment before laughter bubbled from his throat again.

                “For a second, I thought you said you submitted an application in my name. That’s a good one, Liz,” he continued laughing before the look on her face made him sober in an instant. “Why aren’t you laughing?”

                “Maybe because I wasn’t lying?” she said. “Happy retirement!”

                “Happy retirement?” he repeated, looking over at Kyle who had doubled over in laughter beside him. “You could have gotten me a card! Maybe buy me dinner! Submitting an application to this reality trash TV?”

                “Oh come on, Alex!” she cried. “It’ll be fun!”

                “I’m not going on live television and competing with a bunch of idiots for some other idiot’s love and affection!” he exclaimed, looking over at Maria who was grinning wide. “Back me up.”

                “I think it’s a brilliant idea,” Maria replied and laughed at his look of betrayal.

                “Can I just say one quick thing?” Liz interrupted as Kyle took a deep breath to calm himself. “You won’t be vying with nineteen other guys. You’d be the Bachelor the others will be wooing.”

                Kyle burst into laughter again as Maria squealed in delight.

                “No,” Alex said, cutting their celebration short. “ _No!_ ”

                “Alex, don’t be mad,” Liz started.

                “You want a bunch of people to come interview me and see if I’m good enough to be the Bachelor of the season?”

                “No, you’ve actually already been chosen,” Liz corrected before taking a large sip of her beer.

                “This is insane,” Alex ran a hand through his hair. “There is no way I’m doing this. I just got out of the military this morning!”

                “All the more reason to take on an adventure,” Maria supplied, nodding encouragingly.

                “Adventure would be going on vacation, seeing somewhere that wasn’t covered in sand for the first time in my life,” Alex grumbled. “Going on television, embarrassing myself like that?”

                “Why would you be embarrassed?” Liz asked, reaching across the table to take his hand. “You’re amazing, Alex. All those guys would fall head over heels in love with you.”

                “Right, because everything that happened in high school and my dad and war and my leg are all reasons that guys will be lining around the block to be with me,” he said and shook his head. “How do I get out of this?”

                Liz removed her hand and sighed. “The producers are flying out tomorrow to meet with you and with me, too, because I named myself as your Manager on the application.”

                “Manager of what?” he asked.

                “Retired Air Force Captain, current singer/songwriter,” she said, her smile showing teeth.

                “Fine, then you can tell them it was a mistake or that I changed my mind, I don’t care. Just fix it, please.”

                Liz looked down at the packet between them. “Don’t you want to read it?”

                “Look, Alex,” Kyle cut in before he could reply. “She meant well, you know that.”

                “Of course I know that,” he said, looking at Liz with a small smile, his frustration bleeding away. “But this isn’t me. Being so open and public like that?”

                “Why, because of your dad?” Kyle asked as they locked eyes again. “Screw him, Alex. You’re done with the military. He can’t dictate or control anything anymore.”

                “It could be fun,” Maria added, her voice much softer. “You can think of it as twenty blind dates. Maybe one will end up being a nice guy.”

                Alex felt his shoulders drop as he rubbed his tired eyes.

                “What did you even write in the application that would make them choose me?” he asked, looking up at Liz again. “You didn’t lie about anything, did you?”

                “No,” Liz replied, her smile gentle. “I wrote the truth.”

                “The truth and they still chose the PTSD version of me over other guys?” he chuckled but the laughter never met his eyes.

                “Yes, they did,” Liz nodded, reaching out to grasp his hand again. “Have you taken a look in the mirror, Alex? An actual long look? You’re amazing.”

                He scoffed and faced the others but both were smiling softly at him.

                “I just thought it was time for others to notice too,” Liz finished.

                He lowered his gaze to the packet again before sighing and flipping it open. The loud squeal Liz and Maria gave was enough for Alex to lift his hand towards Jeff and ask for another beer.

 

*****

TWO WEEKS LATER

 

                “Jesse Manes,” Isobel repeated the name as Michael and Max stared at her with different shocked expressions. “Why do I know that name?”

                Max shrugged and looked at Michael who swallowed the lump in his throat.

                “We went to school with his son,” he started, licking his lips. “Alex.”

                “He was close friends with Liz,” Max nodded.

                “Guyliner, septum piercing and devil may care attitude?” Isobel asked.

                “That wasn’t all he was,” Michael corrected before clearing his throat at Isobel’s raised brow. “He was a good person. Had a big heart.”

                “Were you two friends?” she ventured.

                “You helped him at prom. I remember that,” Max smiled. “Valenti was getting in his face and you jumped in and pushed him off Alex.”

                When Michael saw Isobel frown, he quickly leaned forward and grabbed his half drunk beer.

                “Whatever, we were friends. Guy took off after graduation. Never saw him again.”

                “Well, friend or not, everything we’ve found points to his father being involved with Project Shepherd,” Isobel reminded.

                “So what?” he asked.

                “Michael, that means we finally found our way in!” she exclaimed. “You know Alex, you were friends with him. You can get information from him.”

                “Are you nuts? No. _No_ ,” Michael snapped, rising to his feet. “I can’t do that, Isobel!”

                “Why not?” Max jumped in. “She’s right, Michael. This is the first real chance we’ve had. A whole year has gone by and we’re no where even close to finding the rest of our people.”

                “I don’t even know where he is,” Michael chuckled, the disbelief in his voice shining through. “I haven’t seen him in over a decade. Do I need to keep reminding you guys of that? Plus, it’s not like we parted on good terms.”

                “We can try going to Roswell, start from there,” Max offered.

                “You just want to go back to see if Liz is still around,” Michael grumbled.

                Isobel sighed between them and let her eyes move towards the television several feet away.

                “I think this is a really good chance,” Max argued. “Isobel and I never even spoke with him back in high school. Ruined friendship or not, at some point, the two of you _were_ friends and it’s not like we can just roll up to his father and demand answers.”

                “Oh my God,” Isobel whispered, her eyes sparkling in glee.

                Both men frowned at her before following her pointed fingers towards the silent television. Michael’s eyes slowly widened as a small picture of Alex came on screen. Gasping quietly, his eyes scanned over the other man’s features. His boyish good looks had morphed into a hardened, handsome face but the deep, soulful eyes were still the same.

                “The Bachelor: Gay Heaven,” Isobel read the words just as the commercial switched back to the news. “This is a sign. Michael, this is a sign!”

                He swallowed hard, taking a moment to memorize the details in the photo before looking back towards her.

                “Sign for what?”

                “You’re going on that show, Michael.”

                “Are you insane?” he snapped, his wits quickly coming back to him.

                “Did you see what it wrote under his photo?” Max asked. “He’s a retired Air Force Captain.”

                Michael licked his lips as he processed the information, a shaky breath escaping him.

                “That means he may know something or if he doesn’t, he can get access to information a lot easier than any of us,” Max added.

                “No,” Michael shook his head. “This is not happening.”

                “What’s the big deal?” Isobel frowned. “You said you were friends. What awful thing happened?”

                “Isobel, please,” he whispered, his broken plea making her freeze.

                “Michael, what is it?” she asked, moving forward to touch his arm.

                He closed his eyes and instantly, he was back in the museum, kissing Alex for the first time, feeling the other boy beneath his fingers as their bodies pressed close. The memory flushed away and Caulfield flooded his mind, remembering how the three of them had stood outside and watched as an explosion rocked the prison foundation, leveling it to the ground. Opening his eyes, he looked at Isobel and slowly nodded.


	2. TWO

*****

 

                Climbing out of the limo, Michael pulled his suitcase behind him and stopped dead in his tracks. Staring at the massive Villa De La Vina mansion in Agoura Hills, a quick laugh erupted from his throat.

                “Come on, you’re the last contestant!”

                Snapping out of his daze, he looked up at one of the camera crew waving at him from the front doors. Dragging his luggage behind him, he followed the crew member inside before the other man took his bag and pointed him towards the foyer. Dressed in jeans and a simple white tee, he looked through the mingling faces of the other nineteen men, all garbed in fancy suits. Swallowing his nerves, he grabbed a beer from one of the servers and made his way to an empty seat on a sofa. The moment he leaned back, the seat beside him got taken by a man with short red hair and thick rimmed glasses.

                “I’m Ryan,” he smiled, extending his hand to Michael who took a long sip of his beer before shaking. “What’s your name?”

                “Michael.”

                “Well, Michael, are you nervous to be here? I wasn’t really sure if I should try out but my friends pushed me to do it and I’m kind of glad,” the other man’s smiled widened.

                “My sister was the one that pushed _me_.”

                “Not nervous though?” Ryan pressed.

                Michael took a moment to stare at the other man, deeming him harmless before he let his eyes scan over the others. Some were talking in small groups while others had a look of arrogance that he immediately despised.

                “Maybe a little,” he answered honestly.

                Ryan’s smile turned into one of relief as he eased back into his seat.

                “Alex is really handsome, isn’t he? I saw the few pictures they showed us and he’s just so dreamy.”

                Michael held back a snort at the other man’s euphoric look and offered a quick nod. He thought back to that commercial he had seen with Alex’s face plastered on the television. He’d grown into his features with cheekbones that watered Michael’s mouth and the same soulful, expressive eyes he’d dreamt of every night. Sighing softly, he gave Ryan another nod.

                “Yeah, he is,” he said, realizing he meant every word just as the two producers walked into the room.

                “I’m Jenna as you already know and this is Ken. Welcome to The Bachelor: Gay Heaven,” she said as everyone raised their drinks in salute. “Alright, we’ve had our one on one conversations with you prior to your arrival when you signed all the contracts but here’s another quick rundown of the rules. No cell phones are allowed so once our conversation is done, you have ten minutes to make any last calls to family and friends and then Ken will be collecting them all. Filming is for two months and we understand your need to reach out to family during that time. You will be given phone privileges once a week but you’ll be monitored during those calls.”

                The men murmured their acceptance and Jenna nodded.

                “There’s no air conditioning in the mansion because it’s hard to film over the loud buzzing so feel free to take as many showers as you want. There are twenty of you in here and we want to keep the atmosphere clean and smelling great,” she grinned. “There’s no TV, no music or entertainment. Basically, when you’re not out on group dates or one on one with Alex, you’ll be here in the mansion. No one’s permitted to leave the grounds other than doing laps around the house as exercise. In the meantime, we want you all to mingle and get to know one another.”

                Michael rolled his eyes but nodded with everyone else.

                “Camera crews will be filming twenty four seven so keep that in mind. Only time you won’t be filmed is in the bathroom, shower or during the Fantasy Suite dates for the lucky three of you that make it that far.”

                Some of the men winked at one another and Michael felt his gut tighten.

                “The fridge will be stocked with food and you’ll have plenty of booze at the bar,” she pointed to the counter behind them and the barman who waved. “The more your drink, the better footage we receive.”

                Everyone but Michael chuckled at her words.

                “Now, Alex will be arriving soon but we won’t get started until nighttime. We’ll be taking you aside one by one to discuss your arrival,” she said, looking through their faces. “Ten minutes to call home.”

                The moment she stepped aside to speak with Ken, Michael whipped his phone out and dialed Isobel, moving to a private corner in the room.

                _“Michael, what’s going on? Tell me everything!”_

                “I’m here in the insanely big mansion with all the other idiots. Producers just ran through the rules again. I won’t be able to call you or Max after this. They’re taking our phones.”

                _“Alright, that makes sense. They don’t want any details getting out.”_

                Michael frowned and huffed into the phone. “Why do you watch this crap?”

                _“Focus, Michael! Have you seen Alex yet?”_

                “No, they said he’ll be here soon.”

                _“Charm him, Michael! Use your sexy cowboy appeal and charm his pants off!”_

                “I’m hanging up now,” he groaned.

                _“Good luck! We’ll be watching!”_

“Please don’t,” he pleaded but the line had already cut out. “Kill me now.”

                Walking back towards the others, he slipped in beside Ryan just as Jenna waved to get their attention once more.

                “Phone time is up, guys. Let’s have them.”

                They filed towards them in a scattered group, shutting their phones off and tossing them in a large tray Ken was holding in his hands.

                “Follow me and we’ll get you settled in your suites upstairs.”

 

               ********

                Stepping out of his personal car, he watched as his driver pulled out his luggage and gave a wave before driving off. Staring up at the vast estate, he released the breath he’d been holding just as Jenna rounded the corner.

                “Alex, welcome to Villa De La Vina,” she greeted, reaching out to shake his hand.

                “It’s a lot bigger than I thought.”

                “Wait until you see inside,” she smiled. “We’ll be taking you in through the back right now. The men are getting settled inside and we don’t want them seeing you until tonight so follow me.”

                They walked in silence across the grounds, stepping in through the patio doors as they made their way to the massive kitchen. Leaning his suitcase against the wall, he reached out to grab a bottle of water and winced, feeling the shooting pain in his leg from sitting in the plane for several hours.

                “Are you alright?” she asked, moving to stand beside him.

                He took a large sip of water before leaning back against the counter. “I probably should have mentioned it.”

                “Mentioned what?”

                Looking down nervously, he reached for his pants and pulled it up to reveal the prosthetic. Her smile softened as she touched his arm.

                “We already know, Captain.”

                His eyes met hers in sudden surprise, making her step back and laugh.

                “Your friend Liz and I had a final conversation before we left Roswell. We were surprised when she said she sent in an application in your name but to be honest, you stood out amongst the crowd. As long as you want to be here. If you’re miserable and grumbling all the time, that doesn’t make for good ratings.”

                He chuckled and shook his head. “No, I’m here but my leg…”

                “That’s not a problem.”

                “Do the guys know?” he asked quietly.

                “It’s your choice to tell them.”

                “What if they react badly?” he said, looking away.

                “Great way to weed out the unlikely ones.”

                Her words eased his nerves and he offered her a small smile. “What happens now?”

                “Well, you’ll actually be staying at the Marriott Hotel, not in the mansion. But every morning, your driver Harry will pick you up at nine and bring you here for whatever activity we have planned,” she explained. “For now, we’ll take you to a private guest suite at the end of the corridor. You can decompress for a couple hours while we get everything set up. You can get dressed and we’ll come get you for the arrival ceremony. Then we’ll have our first cocktail party where you’ll get a few minutes with each of the guys, one on one. After, you’ll give the first impression rose to the one guy that stands out to you the most. Once we’re done, you’ll say goodnight and Harry will drive you back to the hotel until tomorrow.”

                “Sounds painless enough,” he replied, finishing his water.

                “Just remember that the cameras will be filming twenty four seven. Only time you won’t be filmed is in the bathroom, shower or during the Fantasy Suite dates with whichever three guys you choose.”

                Alex couldn’t help the blush that stained his cheeks and he walked past her towards his suitcase.

                “You seem like a really good guy Alex,” she said, her words making him turn back around. “Just ignore the cameras and this will go a lot smoother for you, I promise.”

                “Not likely,” he muttered under his breath. “Suite?”

                “Before we go, I need to remind you that we have a no phone policy. I can give you a few minutes if you need to make any calls or check messages. Otherwise, I’ll need to take your phone now.”

                He reached into his jacket and pulled out his cell, switching to his messages and smiling at the texts.

                **I’m so proud of you! We’ll be watching every Thursday night, me, Maria and Kyle. I hope you find the man of your dreams. Love you!**  - Liz

                **Kick some ass and break some hearts! You deserve this so much, Alex! We love you and we can’t wait to see those suckers falling all over themselves trying to get you! XOXO** – Maria

                **Dude, I’m going to have years of blackmail material on you! But all jokes aside, open yourself up a little. Maybe the right guy will be there after all** – Kyle

                Shutting off his phone, he placed it in Jenna’s hands before following her down the corridor towards the west wing of the mansion. Opening the French doors, she stepped aside and let Alex walk into the vast suite. He took a moment to glance around himself, slightly overwhelmed. When he turned back towards her with a nod, she moved out of the room and closed the door behind her. Leaning his luggage by the sofa, he made his way towards the king bed and fell back with a sigh.

 

                ********

                “Michael, come in,” Ken waved him over.

                Stepping into the dining hall, he took a seat across from both producers who sorted their files before looking up.

                “Alright, so we are here to discuss your entrance for when you meet Alex,” Ken started.

                “Don’t I just pull up in a limo?” he asked, shifting in his seat.

                “You can if you want but we have many other options as well,” Jenna said and laughed at the confusion in his eyes. “Well, one of the men chose to ride up on a camel.”

                “On a what?”

                The producers chuckled as Ken lifted a photo of the large animal.

                “This is Mary, our friendly camel that we used last season,” Jenna explained.

                “The guy who rode her, did he fall flat on his face and embarrass himself?” Michael snorted.

                “Embarrassment equals good television,” she grinned.

                “I’ll pass!” he shook his head.

                “Alright, another one of the guys chose to dress as Santa Clause when he steps out of the limo,” Ken added, making Michael laugh out loud. “It’s more popular than you think.”

                “Pass!”

                Jenna reached through the photos and lifted another. “Last season, someone dressed up as a whale. Bounced around the courtyard making mating noises. One of the guys this year liked the idea.”

                “Are people nuts?” Michael asked, raising his hand to stop them. “I’ll take the limo and I’ll wear my damn suit.”

                “Alright, I suppose we can have a vanilla arrival as well,” Ken shrugged.

                “You’re telling me all the other guys out there chose some ridiculous way to make their entrance? Even the Wall Street smooth talkers?”

                “Not everyone made a brazen choice like the camel but they all have a small gift for Alex like we talked about. Besides, everyone wants to make a good impression. Tonight, during cocktails, Alex will be giving the first impression rose. That means whoever gets it is safe from elimination tomorrow,” Jenna explained.

                “I’ll take my chances,” he said, rolling his eyes.

                “Alright, then we’re done here,” Jenna said as they rose from their seats. “We’ve selected which order each of the contestants will be introducing themselves and you’ll be the last one.”

                “Perfect,” he mumbled. “Do I get dressed now?”

                “Get dressed and be back downstairs in thirty minutes. Night’s arriving and we need to start filming the contestants before we start the arrivals.”

                Giving them a short nod, he walked out of the room and into the hallway outside. As he made his way up the swirled staircase, one of the Wall Street smooth talkers he’d avoided earlier smirked on his way past.

                “Something you want to say?” Michael asked.

                “Nothing, babe. Just maybe you’re a little out of your league,” the guy winked, motioning Michael’s jeans with the oil stain on the bottom before disappearing downstairs.

                Taking a deep breath, he made his way towards the suite he shared with Ryan, grateful that the only one person from the group he could stand had been chosen to be his roommate.

  
                ********

                “Alright, Alex, it’s almost showtime,” Jenna addressed, leading him outside into the sparkling front courtyard. “Stand here on your mark and once the cameras start rolling, the first contestant will come through. You have an earpiece so we can tell you their names in case you forget.”

                Alex looked down at the all black suit he had chosen, using his hand to smooth down his tie.

                “You look handsome,” she assured him. “Don’t be nervous. This is going to be the best two months of your life.”

                Tapping his shoulder, she rushed under a canopy of trees to the side, looking through her notes with Ken. He watched as the camera crew scattered around him, staying in the shadows as they readied their frames.

                “Alright, everyone. Season two of The Bachelor: Gay Heaven is officially good to go!” Jenna shouted and immediately, the cameras switched on.

                Alex swallowed nervously as he stared between the hidden crew. Forcing himself to take a breath, he looked towards the gate at the end of the driveway. When the limousine appeared moments after, Alex kept his gaze focused on the door until it finally opened. The first man who stepped out was dressed in a tuxedo, his hair gelled as he strode forward with a confident smirk.

                “Hi Alex,” his smile broadened. “My name’s Kevin. I’m really excited to be here with you and I hope this will make you happy.”

                Alex forced a smile on his face to hide his nerves and looked down at the small gift box Kevin offered. Lifting the lid, his smile grew genuine at the Belgian truffles inside.

                “See you in there,” Kevin winked, walking down the pathway into the mansion.

                Taking a deep breath, Alex looked towards the limousine once more. Justin, Mohammed and Carlos were next. Justin was dressed as Santa Clause, giving Alex a gift from his sac which ended up being a box of condoms. He’d laughed uncomfortably as Santa chuckled his way towards the mansion. Mohammed held a bouquet of roses, kissing Alex on his cheek before going inside while Carlos sang Frank Sinatra as he exited the limo.

                Lowering the items onto the ground, he looked back up just in time to see Ryan making his way on the camel. An incredulous laugh bubbled from his throat as he watched the red head wave at him happily before clinging to the camel when she made a sudden jump. Crawling down the animal’s side, Ryan quickly composed himself before stepping forward.

                “Way to make an entrance, right?” he asked as Alex nodded. “I’m Ryan. I’m super excited to be here. Man, you’re handsome!”

                Alex looked away just as Ryan leaned in and kissed his cheek, rushing away quickly down the path. The next contestants were Johnny Wu who performed a weird dance, Frank the Comedian whose jokes fell flat, Bob the body builder who spent more time showcasing his muscles than speaking with Alex and Rob The Man, a nickname he’d chosen for himself to match his sleazy smile. Looking back at Jenna, he gave her a look that made her laugh.

                Tony was next, slipping out of the limousine in style. His gift was a fancy cologne before tilting Alex down with a grip on his sides.

                “You look good enough to eat,” he grinned, pulling Alex back up.

                “It’s nice to meet you. Thanks for the gift,” Alex managed, catching his breath from the sudden dip.

                The man winked before disappearing down the path. The gates opened and the next contestant had Alex bursting into laughter. Hopping towards him dressed as a giant whale, Ben gave a crooked smile before making strange noises out loud.

                “That’s the mating call of whales,” he clarified.

                “I’ll take your word for it,” Alex shook his head, smiling despite the absurdity of it all.

                Ben used his fins to tap Alex on his chest before hopping down the pathway. Lenny was next, singing opera as he stepped from the limo. Morgan, Dwight, Joel and Ross came after, giving Alex a box of candy, a knockoff Rolex, a giant teddy bear and a Bible. Once Ross had gone inside, Alex looked back towards the gate just as a clown came running through. He watched in stunned silence as the clown shaped a balloon into a giant sausage.

                “I’m Billy,” the man smiled, walking up and handing Alex the balloon. “Guess what part of my body that is?”

                Stifling his laugh, Alex gave his tightest smile. “Great to meet you, Billy.”

                The clown wiggled his brows before going inside.

                “Holy fuck,” Alex said, looking towards Jenna.

                “It’s live television! You can’t swear!” she whispered through the earpiece.

                “This is what I attract. Just wow,” he muttered.

                The limousine opened and Tyrese walked through, giving Alex a box of chocolates and smiling kindly as he introduced himself. Appreciating the normalcy of his arrival, Alex gave him a genuine smile before the man walked past him. Andrew was next, giving him a ventriloquist doll that Alex instantly dropped to the ground once the man had left his side. Number nineteen was schoolteacher Brad, smiling softly as he made his way from the limo. Happy for another normal entrance, Alex jumped back when Brad began rapping in the middle of the courtyard, ending after a lengthy beatbox.

                “I always wanted to be a rapper,” he chuckled, sweating from exertion. “You’re really handsome. I can’t wait to get to know you better.”

                He gave Alex a peck on his cheek and rushed down the path. Sighing heavily, Alex turned towards the producers as Jenna whispered for him to show more interested reactions for the camera. Inside the limo, Michael rubbed his hands over his thighs, squeezing his eyes shut in an effort to calm down.

                “It’s just some guy you use to know. It’s no big deal. You can do this,” he whispered to himself.

                When a tap sounded on the divider window, he took a deep breath and stepped out. His gaze quickly found Alex who was staring off to the side. Using those few seconds, he let his eyes scan over the other man and felt his heart flutter in his chest. The moment Alex turned around, Michael felt his breath suddenly catch.

                Stunned silent, Alex stared at the man he never thought he’d see again; the man who’d stolen his heart in those few short weeks of senior year; the man he’d held a torch for all these years. They stared at one another for several long beats, the cameras and crew fading away. Sudden movement on his right snapped Michael out of his daze and he pushed himself forward, putting on his most charming smile.

                “Hey Private.”

                “What are you doing here?” Alex asked in reply.

                “That’s the greeting I get?” Michael said, taking a step closer. “No ‘Hi Michael’ or ‘I missed you Michael’?”

                “Why are you here, Guerin?” Alex repeated, his voice growing hard. “Did you know it was me?”

                “Of course I did,” Michael scoffed.

                “Is it some kind of dare? Or a joke?”

                “What? No!” Michael snapped. “Is it that hard to believe I’m here because I want to be?”

                “Yes!” Alex spat back before Jenna’s voice in his ear reminded him that they were being filmed live.

                Taking a step back and schooling his features, Alex cleared his throat.

                “No gift?”

                Reaching into his pocket, Michael’s fist closed around the small item inside. Pulling his hand out, he opened his palm and Alex gasped. Staring down at the handcuff silver necklace he had worn all through high school, he looked up at Michael with glistened eyes.

                “You kept it?”

                “You gave it to me,” Michael said, ignoring the cameras that were closing in. “Figured maybe you’d want it back.”

                Alex clenched his fist to make the shake disappear before taking the silver band.

                “Thank you,” he whispered, shaking his head and looking up with a neutral expression. “You should go in.”

                Michael hesitated for a moment, desperately trying to read the look in Alex’s eyes. When he realized he couldn’t, he sighed and walked through the courtyard. Releasing a ragged breath, Alex slipped the necklace in his pocket and walked after him towards the front doors, leaving the other gifts in a cluster outside. The cameras followed close behind as he made his way through the scattered men, heading straight for the bar.

               “Whisky,” he ordered as the barman gave a chuckle and poured him a glass.

               “With the group you have back there, I can see why,” the man whispered before turning away.

               “Alright Alex, the arrivals are over. Everyone gets ten minutes with you right now. So turn around and walk to Kevin,” Jenna spoke in his ear.

               Finishing his drink, he slipped on the fakest smile he could muster and made his way towards contestant number one. Kevin linked his arm with Alex and led him outside to the back porch, missing the pain on Michael’s face as his eyes followed them out.

              “He’s dreamier than I thought!” Ryan gushed, pulling Michael out of his thoughts.

               “Yeah, dreamy,” he nodded before catching Jenna’s narrowed gaze.

               The night flew by slowly as each of the men spoke privately with the soldier outside. Each time Alex walked past him with one of the men, Michael felt his jealousy deepen. Rationally, he knew he had no right. He and Alex had ended before graduation a decade past. But the wild beating of his heart when their eyes had met out front made it seem like no time had passed at all. He stayed close to Ryan for most of the night, his only highlight the horrified look on Alex’s face when he returned from his conversations with Billy the Clown, Rob the Man and Ben the Whale, who tripped over his suit more times than Michael could count. When his turn was finally up, Michael followed Alex to the back porch, making their way towards the gazebo that overlooked the ocean. They sat beside one another for several minutes, silence washing over them as they watched the gentle waves.

               “Where are you living?” Alex finally asked.

               “San Diego with Max and Isobel.”

               Alex nodded, keeping his gaze focused on the waves. “I’m back in Roswell now. Liz, Maria and Kyle are there too.”

               “You talk to Valenti?” Michael asked, his surprise bleeding through.

               “He was genuinely sorry for how he was back then. I forgave him and we’re close friends now.”

               “So you kept in touch with everyone but me?” he asked, unable to hide his bitterness.

               Alex sighed tiredly but kept his eyes away. “You told me to go, remember?”

               “I didn’t think you’d up and join the Air Force!” Michael said before he remembered the cameras filming them from the side.

               “I didn’t have a lot of options,” Alex shrugged. “So why are you here?”

               “We’re doing this again?” Michael groaned.

               “You didn’t give me a straight answer.”

               “I wanted to see you.”

               “Why?” Alex whispered. “We didn’t part on good terms, Guerin.”

               Michael thought of all the different excuses he could give but finally settled on the one that rang truest in his mind.

               “I guess I just missed you.”

               Alex finally met his gaze and took a moment to search his eyes before easing in his seat.

               “It’s good to see you too, Guerin.”

                Jenna appeared on the side and signalled for Michael to move back inside. Giving Alex a final lingering look, he made his way down the path as the camera crew followed him in. Using the temporary moment of privacy, Jenna made her way over and leaned against the gazebo's inner frame.

               “Do you know Michael?”

               “Old friend from high school. We haven’t seen each other in a decade.”

               “Did I sense some unresolved feelings?” she ventured.

                Shaking his head, he rose to his feet. “Barely knew him then, practically a stranger now.”

                She watched him for a thoughtful moment before stepping aside for him to pass.

               “First impression rose is up. When you go in, one of our servers will present you the rose. All the guys will be lined up at the front of the room. Pick the one that impressed you most.”

               “Definitely not Billy the Clown,” Alex snorted.

               She grinned at his words and moved out of frame just as he walked through the doors towards the foyer. Avoiding Michael’s tense gaze, he lifted the rose from the offered tray.

               “Thank you all for being contestants on the show. You’ve all impressed me in different ways and I’m excited to get to know you all,” he said, repeating the memorized words he’d been told. “Tonight, I’ll be giving the first impression rose. It was a hard choice but I’ll have to go with Ryan.”

               The red head beamed at Michael before making his way to the front, ignoring the narrowed looks he received from most of the other men.

               “It was pretty impressive, riding the camel the way you did,” Alex said as he held out the flower. “Will you accept this rose?”

               “You bet I will,” Ryan grinned.

               Talking the flower in his hand, he gave Alex a quick peck on his cheek before taking his spot back in line.

               “It was great meeting you all again. Time for me to go but I’ll be looking forward to the first group date tomorrow. Look for a letter pinned to the hallway outside your rooms in the morning,” he said, trying his best to sound interested. “Goodnight.”

                A chorus of goodbyes echoed in the room as Alex made his way towards the front doors. Glancing back at Michael a final time, they held their gaze for several beats before Alex looked away and disappeared into the shadows outside.


	3. THREE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update! Summertime plus I need a bit of motivation to write these days :)

*****

 

                Making her way inside the Wild Pony, Liz gave Maria a warm smile as she took a seat at the bar.

                “Since when do you drink for breakfast?” Maria teased, using her towel to dry a tray of glasses.

                “Not here to drink,” Liz said before sighing. “So, Michael Guerin is on the show.”

                “I know!” Maria chuckled. “Such a small world that a guy we knew back in high school went on the show, knowing Alex was the Bachelor.”

                A sudden thought occurred to her and Maria lowered the towel.

                “Do you think he had a crush on Alex back then?”

                “I don’t know,” Liz shook her head. “Alex isn’t really the most open guy. Unless…”

                “Unless what?” Maria asked, leaning in.

                “Well, do you remember Museum Guy?”

                “The guy who gave Alex the kiss of his life at the UFO Emporium? You think _that_ was Guerin?”

                “Maybe?” Liz shrugged.

                “I mean, I’ll admit he looks pretty good but I don’t know. They never really hung out together back then,” Maria said, picking the towel back up again. “But like you said, Alex never was an open book.”

                “No,” Liz nodded, her smile disappearing.

                “What’s wrong?” Maria frowned.

                Looking up at her best friend, Liz shook her head. “Nothing, just made me think of Max.”

                “Max Evans, Michael’s brother?”

                “Yeah,” Liz said, smiling wistfully.

                “The one that got away,” Maria sang, ducking when Liz moved to toss another towel at her. “Do you still have a crush?”

                “It’s been a decade,” Liz sighed.

                “Why should that matter?” Maria smiled. “If it’s true and Guerin is Museum Guy, he obviously held a torch for Alex all these years. Did you see the look on Alex’s face when Guerin stepped out? You’re right, there is definitely history there.”

                “I wish Alex had his phone,” Liz whined, leaning down on her elbow.

                “So you can get the goods on Alex or so you can grill him on Max?” Maria teased.

                Liz blushed and looked away. “Both.”

                “I guess we’ll have to see how far Guerin gets in the show. If he wins, maybe there’s hope for you and Max after all.”

                Maria moved the tray to the side and reached for another as Liz watched her, a thoughtful expression filling her face.  


                ********  


                _Taking a deep breath, Michael made his way around the corner and froze. Several feet away, across the street, he could see Alex behind the ticket window, seated with his head tilted down. Knowing he’d lose his nerve the longer he waited, Michael jogged across the street and slowly approached him._

_“Hey,” he greeted, smiling to himself when Alex snapped his head up in surprise. “Can we talk?”_

_“Yeah, I guess,” Alex said, swallowing hard._

_Michael hesitated before leaning in. “Somewhere private maybe?”_

_Alex watched him for a moment before giving in. With a quick nod, he tilted his head behind him and Michael gave a smile before ducking through the doors. He waited for Alex to reach him, following the other boy through the tacky museum, trying his best not to snort at the cheesy alien decorations. When they entered the last room at the end of the hall, Alex tore his visor off and ran his fingers through his hair as he spun around._

_“Okay, talk.”_

_Michael watched him in silence, opening his mouth but suddenly unsure of what to say. When he saw the look of dejection fill the other boy’s eyes, he acted on instinct and closed the distance, grabbing onto Alex’s face as he slid their lips together. The press lasted a few seconds until Michael moved back to check the other boy’s reaction. When Alex kept watching him in surprise but made no move to pull away, Michael finally smiled. They leaned in together, meeting in the middle and suddenly, the world was back on it axis. Their mouths slipped open, their tongues moving shyly before they grew bolder with their touches. As their hands roamed around each other’s bodies, Michael felt a sudden need inside him to claim Alex. Moving him backwards until Alex was pinned against the wall, he let his mouth travel down the other boy’s neck, peppering the smoothness with hot kisses until his teeth bit the skin. Alex made a noise that moved straight through Michael’s body, leaving his skin tingling. They pulled back to catch each other’s eyes and Alex let both hands move into Michael’s curls, dragging against his scalp and making Michael lean into the touch with a sigh._

_“Do you…,” Alex started, biting his lower lip._

_Michael’s gaze zoomed in on his mouth, his hands moving to the small of Alex’s back, pulling him in._

_“Do you want to go somewhere more private?” Alex managed._

_“Yeah, we can do that,” Michael nodded before leaning in and pulling Alex tighter against him, his arms circling around the other boy’s body in a warm embrace._

  
                ********

                “Wake up, sunshine!”

                Snapping his eyes open, Michael looked up to see Ryan standing over him.

                “Man, get out of my face!” Michael grumbled, rolling to his side to sit up on the bed.

                “Get up, grumpy pants. We have to see if we got a letter,” Ryan chuckled as he moved away.

                Running a hand across his tired eyes, Michael’s mind drifted back to the memory he’d dreamt. For so long, he had kept thoughts of Alex locked away, unable to let his heart open to those memories ever again. Seeing Alex, being close to Alex, feeling the heat radiating off the other man’s body, it was almost too much to take. Tossing the sheets aside, he slipped on a shirt as he followed the commotion to the hallway.

                “What’s the letter say?” Ryan asked, biting his lip as he peered over a few shoulders.

                Kevin, or Ken Doll as Michael called him in his head, reached over to open the envelope pinned to the wall. Pulling the letter out, he smoothed it open and smirked.

                “Today’s the first group date so get ready,” he read, looking over the eager expressions of the other men. “Only six of you can come today but don’t worry. It’s only the first date.”

                “Who got picked?” Tony, or DipShit as Michael had labeled him, asked from the side.

                “Obviously you and I did,” Kevin’s grin widened. “Also Ryan, Carlos, Tyrese and Michael.”

                The other men grumbled in disappointment as Ryan turned his beaming smile towards him.

                “We need to get ready. Limo will pick us up in an hour,” Kevin added, pinning the letter back to the wall as he and Tony made their way towards the showers.

                Michael watched them go as the rest of the men disappeared. Catching the camera zooming in on him, he rolled his eyes and moved back to the safety of his bedroom. When he noticed one of the cameramen inching through the entrance, he made his way over and slammed the door shut with a wide grin.

  
                ********

                The six of them filtered out of the mansion, moving down the pathway where a man was standing in front of the limo.

                “Well, guys, welcome to day two,” the man greeted. “I’m Hank Harrison, your Host. Wanted to introduce myself to you guys and let you know I’ll be here to ease the rest of your way through this competition. Now, who’s ready to go see Alex?”

                The men mumbled in agreement, Kevin and Tony both turning to give the cameras their megawatt smiles. Ready to make a comment, Michael heard someone clearing their throat ad looked over to see the producers glaring from a shaded area. Tossing them the fakest smile he could manage, he rolled the sleeves of his dress shirt up past his elbows, opening one more button at his collar and running his hands down his jean clad thighs. Glancing around the others, he noticed they were dressed in fancy clothes, Kevin and Tony wearing suits that cost more than Michael’s truck did.

                “Let’s go see our Bachelor,” Hank added, giving them a bright smile as he slipped into the limo.

                Michael watched them pile inside and followed, shutting the door behind him.

                “Alright, guys, camera’s are off for a minute,” Hank said as the limo started moving. “We’re heading to an obstacle course. Nothing major but I still have to ask. Does anyone here have any heart problems or health issues that weren’t mentioned during the selection interviews.”

                The men shook their heads and Hank relaxed in his seat.

                “Well, one of you dressed appropriately,” he added, tilting his chin to Michael.

                Guerin turned his grin to the glare of four other men while Ryan stared down at his clothes in disappointment.

                _Michael 1, Douchebags 0_ , he smiled to himself, staring out the window at the passing terrain.

                ********

                Standing on his hotel balcony, Alex leaned his elbows over the railing and peered down from the penthouse floor. The breeze was warm and the sun was bright, soothing his nerves from the first day. As exhausted as he’d been with his leg cramping by the end of the night, Alex had tossed and turned for several hours before giving up. He’d buried himself against the couch cushions, mindlessly flipping through the channels until sleep had finally won out. Two hours of rest later and the pounding on the door had woken him. Asleep or awake, all he could think about was Michael.

                _Michael Guerin, Museum Guy._

                He sighed heavily as his thoughts traveled back to the curly haired boy, _man_ , he thought he’d left behind a decade past. All those years ago, back when their youthful innocence still hadn’t been tainted, before Alex had gone to war, becoming hardened from everything he’d seen, they had been two boys who had lost and found themselves in each other. When they had gazed into one another’s eyes, it had felt like coming home. Their romance had been intense and cosmic but short lived. The night of their first time, the night when Alex felt that moment of true happiness, was when reality had come crashing back down in the ugliest way.

                When Michael had stumbled out of the shed, bloodied and beaten, Alex had been too heartbroken to follow the other boy into the night, begging for forgiveness. When Jesse had wandered back in soon after, Alex had been too broken to raise his hands in defense. The beating that night, with Alex too damaged to fight back, had been one of the hardest he had ever gotten. It would be another six days before he could go back to school again. He and Michael had locked eyes across the hallway when he finally went back but the other boy had always been first to look away. When one week became two and two became three, Alex had resigned himself to never seeing, feeling or touching Michael Guerin ever again.

                Every night, his Father had waited, belt in hand, an eerie silence around him. Every night, Alex would sit back and take the pain, too numb from heartbreak to bother fighting back. Before his thoughts could grow even darker than they’d been, he’d made a choice in hasty desperation. One that would take him away from his Father and the constant pain he lived in.

                Seeing Michael after enlisting had been one of chance. As he had pulled open the door to the recruiting office and stepped onto the paved walkway, he’d slammed headfirst into the boy whose name he’d never forget. Both had watched one another in silence, the electric jolt they’d felt leaving them stunned until Michael’s eyes had traveled up past his shoulder to the sign above him. His eyes had hardened, his gaze grew cold. Too exhausted to stay back and take Michael’s rage, he’d picked up his pace and rushed away, the early evening breeze leaving his hairs on end. Michael had followed, his footsteps heavy behind him until Alex ducked into a narrow alley. When he’d pulled on Alex’s arm to turn his way, Alex had flinched, the move sending Michael back several steps.

                _“Sorry, I didn’t mean to grab you_ ,” he stumbled through his words but Alex couldn’t understand why they were talking.

                Michael hated him.

                “ _Why are you doing this, Alex? Is he making you?”_

_Snapping out of his daze, Alex pushed himself away from the wall, taking a step forward in defiance._

_“I’m doing this for me! To get away from him!”_

_“You don’t have to join the army to do that!”_

_“Air Force,” Alex corrected, his voice level despite the raging emotions inside him._

_“Fine, Air Force!” Michael spat, moving forward to grab his arms and tug him in. “Alex, this isn’t what you want. Joining the military, going to war.”_

_“You know what I want?” Alex spat back. “You don’t even know me!”_

_“Yes I do!” Michael cried, his emotions spilling through his words. “Please, just go and say you changed your mind. Just tell them you made a mistake or it was a bet or something. Anything!”_

_“Why would I do that, Guerin?” Alex asked, chuckling without humor. “There’s nothing for me here.”_

_“I’m here!” Michael shouted, the words echoing around them._

_Alex felt the fight leave him, his shoulders slumping forward. “Are you? Or did I lose you the moment he walked in?”_

_“No, Alex, what happened was so messed up and I hate him for what he did but I don’t blame you for it.”_

_“Then why did you stay away?” he asked, tears prickling his eyes as Michael lowered his own broken gaze. “Why’d you walk away from me every time I tried to say something?”_

_“I…I just…”_

_“Deny it all you want, Guerin. But you do blame me for what happened.”_

_“I don’t blame the victim for his abuser’s actions.”_

_The words were spoken quietly but held enough truth that Alex tore himself out of Michael’s grip._

_“I’m sorry, I’m not trying to…,” Michael stumbled but Alex shook his head, holding his hand up to silence him._

_“I leave in two days.”_

_“Alex, please. Don’t go,” Michael pleaded._

_“We connected, Guerin. We connected like something…”_

_“Cosmic!” Michael shouted desperately._

_“But we don’t even know each other that well, do we?” Alex said, rubbing his arms as he took another step away. “I leave in two days. I can’t change that.”_

_Michael’s gaze grew hard, his chin lifting in anger. “Fine, then go. Run away and be Daddy’s good little soldier. See if I care.”_

_When Alex didn’t make a move, Michael lifted his hand into the air and pointed down the alley._

_“I said go!” he shouted. “Go to war, run away! Go!”_

_Alex had turned around and walked away, making it three blocks before he’d finally crumbled, not knowing Michael had been equally devastated._

Breathing heavily, Alex ran a hand through his short hair, tugging on the collar of his maroon shirt to go with his dark jeans.

                “Alex, time to go!” the voice called from outside.

                Taking one last look at his surroundings, he slipped inside his room, sliding the balcony door shut behind him. Grabbing his shades and his wallet, he forced a smile onto his face as he swung the door open to the cameras he knew would be out there.

  
                ********

                “Alright, gentlemen, let’s get settled. Alex should be here any moment,” Hank smiled as the six men stood patiently on the grassy terrain.

                Seconds later, the cameras caught Michael’s attention and he watched as Alex slipped into view. He was dressed simply, the same as Michael but the clothes were just tight enough to showcase the lean muscles he carried from years overseas. Michael felt himself take a sharp breath, his eyes never leaving Alex as he waved and smiled in their direction before stopping to shake Hank’s hand.

                “Welcome to the first group date. How are you feeling today?”

                “Feeling good. Bit nervous,” he said, turning his smile towards the men but more for the cameras.

                Michael smirked quietly as he stood at the edge of the group, knowing the other man’s tells like the back of his hand. A warmth blossomed inside him, pleased in knowing that some things were still the same.

                “But not nervous for myself, Hank. I’m nervous for these guys!”

                Hank chuckled as the men smiled eagerly. Michael rolled his eyes and caught Alex watching him before the Bachelor looked away.

                “They should be. The obstacle course should be a fun one. Let’s see how down and dirty these men can get,” Hank grinned.

                Turning his fake but brilliant smile towards their Host, Alex motioned with his hand. “Lead the way.”

                With Hank at the front of the group, Alex moved behind him and Michael quickly jogged forward to walk at his side, ignoring the mutterings from the other men.

                “They’re kind of cheesy, don’t you think?”

                Alex spared him a glance but his gaze remained hidden.

                “You planning on showing me your eyes today, Private?”

                Hank had stopped and was watching them with a gleeful expression. Pausing mid step, Alex turned until he was fully facing the man he’d never been able to forget.

                “I’ll show you if you win.”

                Brushing past him, he made his way towards the course as Michael’s grin widened.

                “The sexual tension is high with these two,” Hank spoke for the benefit of the cameras.

                Michael resisted the urge to roll his eyes again, instead catching the expression on Kevin’s face.

                “Aright, step right up here, gentlemen,” Hank addressed as they gave him their attention. “Now, as you can see, the course isn’t too bad. Nothing that six strapping young men like yourselves can’t handle.”

                They murmured in agreement as Kevin and Tony flexed their muscles. Michael caught Alex’s scoff and bit his smile as he focused on the instructions.

                “The course is set so all six of you can go at once. The two with the fastest speeds will go to the final round where you complete the course again to see who the winner is.”

                “What’s the prize? Do we get Alex?” Tony asked, turning to give the Captain a wink.

                “The winner gets thirty minutes of alone time with Alex before we all head out to lunch,” Hank replied, the men grumbling in approval. “Alright, for the course, you have to walk on these beams, balancing yourself until you reach the end. Anyone that falls off has to go back to the beginning and start all over again. When you reach the end, you crawl through the trenches. Just dirt, no real mud so your fancy suits will be just fine.”

                Michael felt the sudden urge to embrace Hank as a long lost friend when Kevin and Tony glared at the Host.

                “Once you’re through the trenches, you have to climb the rope until you reach the top of the wall, then climb over, go to the balancing beams again and pass the finish line. Pretty straight forward?”

                Everyone nodded and Hank ushered them towards the starting line, the cameras following close behind. Michael looked over at Alex to find the other man already watching him. When he realized he’d been caught, Alex quickly looked away but the feeling of having that gaze back on him after ten years of living without, warmed Michael’s heart in the best way.

                “You’re going down.” Ken Doll muttered from the side.

                 Ignoring the words, Michael smoothed back his curls and waited. When the whistle blew, the men started on the course, only Michael, Ken Doll and Tyrese making it across the beams without falling. The other three lagged behind and rushed back to the starting point again. When he reached the trench, Michael threw his body on the ground and used his arms to drag himself through the dirt towards the clearing. Looking to his left, he saw that Tyrese had caught his leg on the net decorating the top of his trench. Rushing over to his rope, Michael jumped up and started climbing, seeing Ken Doll hot on his heels after having shed his suit jacket. Making it to the top, he twirled his body over and landed, careful not to use any powers as he sprang forward, crossing the finish line seconds before the other man. Hank blew his whistle and the others dragged themselves back to the rest.

                “Michael and Kevin. Do I smell a rivalry brewing here?” Hank questioned.

                Smiling at Ken Doll, Michael turned his gaze towards Alex to find him looking down, a small smile curling his lips.

                “Alright, men, let’s get you back to the starting line. See who gets those extra precious minutes.”

                “He’s _mine_ ,” Kevin growled, the venomous words no longer allowing Michael to use the nickname.

                As Hank got himself situated, Michael turned back to Alex and froze. The other man was watching them closely, his lower lip bit between his teeth. The moment took him back a decade, to the same flushed expression he’d carried on the one and only time they’d made love. When Hank blew the whistle, Michael snapped out of his daze and looked forward to see Kevin had already sprung away. Rushing after the other man, he kept his balance on the beams and hurried through the trenches. But that one moment, being distracted, was enough for Kevin to keep his gain and finish ahead of him. Coming to a stop at the end, he took a deep breath and ignored the victorious grin Ken Doll was giving him.

                _Back to nicknames_ , Michael snorted.

                He looked to Alex and smiled when he saw the hint of disappointment in the other man’s face.

                “Kevin is our winner. If you and Alex could go over there where we have champagne and strawberries waiting,” Hank pointed towards a small table for two under a shade of trees.

                They watched as the two men disappeared into the shadows before Michael felt a hand on his shoulder.

                “You were so close,” Ryan smiled.

                “Not a sore loser but I hate to lose to Kenny over there,” Michael pointed.

                “Who’s Kenny?” Hank asked, moving beside them.

                “Ken Doll,” Michael shrugged.

                The sudden laughter that erupted from the Host was enough to send Michael backwards a step.

                “I like you, Michael. I really do,” he grinned, pointing towards the restaurant at the top of the hill behind them. “You can go freshen up over there. We’ll be having lunch on the private patio in thirty minutes.”

                The rest of the men walked up the hill in silence, one set of cameras following as they went. The patrons inside were aware of the filming, many waving at the cameras as they moved towards the end of the dining hall. Michael waited at the rear of the line, brushing the dust off his clothes as the others used the bathroom ahead of him. With the cameras lingering beside him, Michael pushed off the wall and finally walked in, followed by a waiter who smiled at the filming crew and held the rolls of toilet paper as explanation. The moment the door shut behind them, the young waiter whirled around and shoved a wrapped object into his hand.

                “What the hell is this?” Michael snapped.

                “Your sister paid me five hundred bucks to give you this!” the other man whispered. “No one finds out about this. If I go down, I take you down with me!”

                Before Michael could figure out how to respond, the waiter walked out of the bathroom and waved in the direction of the cameras, the door clicking shut behind him. Ripping the bundle open, Michael pressed back against the wall and sighed, switching on his phone. The first thing he saw was a string of texts, focusing on the recent and ignoring all the other alerts his phone gave.

                **_Michael!!!!_**

**_Max and I are going crazy watching this!!!_ **

**_Alright, Max keeps humming and frowning but I’m going crazy!!!_ **

**_There’s so much sexual tension between you and Alex!_ **

**_Manes really turned into something, didn’t he? He looks absolutely delicious! Yum ;)_ **

**_Text me so I know you got the phone. Damn kid hustled me out of five hundred bucks!_ **

**_Don’t forget why you’re there, Michael._ **

The last text hit him the hardest, sent several minutes after the rest. Swallowing hard, Michael let his fingers move across the keyboard.

                **_Half of these guys are douchebags. I want to pick a fight but there may have been something in the contract saying no violence. Sucks._**

**_It’s good seeing Alex again._ **

**_I won’t forget._ **

Making sure the phone was on silent, he slipped it under his jeans in his socks at his ankle, hidden from view as he turned his gaze towards the mirror. Letting his eyes wander over his own reflection, he cleaned his hands and washed his face, letting the cool water soothe his nerves away. When he finally left the bathroom and stepped outside, Hank waved him over for lunch.

                Waiting on the private patio, they watched as Alex and Ken Doll made their way back towards the group. As Alex took his seat at the head of the table, Michael quickly moved over to take the spot on his left, with Hank already seated on the right. Kevin glared but moved to the end of the table, falling into his seat as Michael chuckled under his breath.

                “Having fun amusing yourself?” Alex asked, looking up from his menu.

                “With Kenny over there?” Michael grinned.

                Alex looked over and smiled, immediately getting the reference. Reaching up to his face, he pulled his glasses off, the small sigh making him face Michael again.

                “There’s those gorgeous eyes.”

                Blushing slightly, Alex cleared his throat and focused on his menu. Michael watched him a moment longer, his smile growing soft before he noticed Hank’s watchful gaze. Grateful when a waiter chose that moment to take their orders, he finally leaned back in his seat once everyone had finished.

                “So guys, why don’t you all tell me one thing you like about Alex so far?” Hank started the conversation, oblivious to the cameras moving around them for the best angles. “Tyrese, let’s start with you.”

                “He seems humble,” the man replied, smiling when Alex looked down.

                “He’s funny,” Ryan added, his smile shy but warm.

                “He’s quick-witted,” Ken Doll added, his smile wide and bright.

                “I love how he’s an Army Captain,” DipShit beamed from the other end of the table.

                “Air Force, actually,” Hank chuckled, turning to Carlos.

                “He seems very friendly.”

                “Very good. What about you, Michael?”

                Their eyes met and Michael watched Alex for a long moment before speaking. “His eyes. They’re beautiful but haunting.”

                Taking a deep breath, Alex reached for his water and took a large sip as Hank’s smile widened.

                “Rumor is you two know each other,” Hank commented.

                “Yeah, back in high school. We were classmates.”

                “What made you join the Bachelor this season? You did know it was Alex, yes?” Hank pressed.

                “I did,” Michael nodded. “Guess I always had a crush on him.”

                The men, except for the two who despised him, laughed at his words as the waiters began bringing their entrees.

                “Eat up, gentlemen,” Hank addressed them. “Normally, we’d have the rose ceremony right away when we get back but we thought of doing something different. We’ll have a movie night first, let everyone unwind a bit before we dress up for the party.”

                As everyone began digging into their meals, Michael pulled his chair forward, sitting closer to the table. Giving a quick glance around the group, he leaned forward and reached under the table with his free hand, pressing it over Alex’s knee. The other man jerked at the sudden touch but quickly recovered and continued eating.

                “Are you alright?” Michael asked, keeping his voice quiet and private.

                Sighing heavily, Alex lowered his fork and met his gaze. “Why are you here, Michael?”

                “I told you already,” he started. “I missed you.”

                Alex watched him closely, searching for something in his face. When he looked away and turned back to his meal, Michael was ready to speak again when he felt Alex curl his hand over his. The touch lasted only a second but Michael felt a jolt of happiness move through him. He squeezed Alex’s knee a final time before leaning back. When conversation started across the table again, Michael felt an itch against his ankle. The phone and the texts suddenly came back to him, ruining his appetite.

                **_Don’t forget why you’re there, Michael._**


	4. FOUR

*****

 

                “Morning gentlemen!”

                Michael groaned at the distant voice, pushing the covers off his head and rising to sit on his bed. Ryan was already seated on his own bed across the room, rubbing his tired eyes while the rest of the men started making their way to the hallway outside. Grabbing his shirt from the edge of his bed, Michael covered his torso and followed the others outside.

                “What’s with the long faces, gentlemen?” Hank chuckled, moving to the side so the cameras could focus on all their faces.

                “We thought we were getting a movie night after lunch yesterday,” Tony offered.

                “Movie’s still happening only it’s been rescheduled for now. May happen in the evening but we’ll see how long today runs,” Hank replied and Michael chuckled at the sudden perkiness in all the other faces. “Get yourselves ready and have your breakfast before we start our next group date. This time, everyone will be invited.”

                “What’s the date?” someone else shouted.

                “We’re going to a carnival,” Hank grinned. “You can all play as many games as you want, win whatever prize you want for Alex. After a bit of games, I’ll take you to the challenge for this morning, the Hammer of Love. Whoever wins gets to ride with Alex on the Ferris Wheel. After we get back, we may unwind with our movie or go straight to the rose ceremony. Sound good?”

                The group nodded before dispersing back to their rooms to get changed. As he rounded the corner, Michael froze when his eyes caught his favorite duo huddled together near one of the bathrooms.

                “Can’t wait to see how Alex is in bed,” Kevin grinned, rubbing at his lips. “He looks all quiet on the outside but I bet he’s an animal in bed.”

                “Thinking about the Fantasy Suite already?” Tony chuckled. “You that confident you’ll make it?”

                “I see the way he looks at me. He wants me,” Kevin puffed out his chest for the cameras down the hallway.

                Feeling a sudden wave of jealousy burst through him, Michael pushed his way forward, pressing his shoulder against the wall as he stopped beside them.

                “He’s more than just a guy for you to have sex with.”

                “Yeah, maybe,” Kevin shrugged. “I’d still like to pound him into the mattress when I get the chance.”

                “Or maybe he can pound us,” Tony added, both men laughing at the comment.

                Remembering the cameras at the last second, Michael pushed off the wall, his fists clenched at his sides as he made his way towards his own bed. Grabbing his towel and a change of clothes, he rushed towards one of the bathrooms just as Justin or Ben or Morgan walked out. Michael had already lost track of most of their names.

                Locking the door behind him, he switched on the shower and reached for his buzzing phone.

                **_Kevin and Tony are total assholes!_**

**_Make Alex see through those douchebags!_ **

Not bothering with a response, he stuffed the phone under his towel to take a quick shower.

               ********

                Waiting at the edge of the group outside the gates, Michael watched as the producers spoke off camera with the carnival planners, ensuring everything ran smooth before they let the contestants in. Glancing down at his jeans and black tee, he ran a hand down his chest to smooth the fabric, feeling underdressed once again.

                “There’s our Bachelor now!” Hank’s voice cut through his thoughts.

                Looking up, Michael breath caught in his throat as he watched Alex slowly ease his way towards them. With his aviators back on to hide his deep eyes, he strode forward with a slight limp that Michael quickly noticed.

                “Alex, good to see you. How’d you sleep last night?” Hank asked, reaching out to pat his shoulder.

                “Slept like a baby, Hank. Had a great time yesterday,” he replied, smiling brightly.

                Michael watched as the other contestants swallowed his every word, surprised that he was the only one who could see through the false happiness.

                “Well, gentlemen, let’s head inside and have some fun!”

                The moment Hank took a step back, Kevin pushed his way forward to take Alex’s hand, leading him through the gates while everyone else rushed to follow. Falling behind the group, Michael watched as they steered Alex towards the first game, shooting balls through the hoop to win a prize. The cameras followed close behind, ignoring the reactions from the crowd around them.

                 “How come you’re all the way back here?” Hank asked, suddenly appearing at his side.

                “He already has nineteen vultures around him right now. Figured I’d let them do their thing for now,” he shrugged, his gaze focused on Alex as the soldier laughed when one of the guys threw a ball and hit the attendant.

                “He looks at you differently, you know,” Hank commented, his words making Michael whip his head towards him. “This is off camera of course but the other men, some of them are total buffoons. Some of them are complete assholes and some are pretty decent. We need all sorts when choosing contestants for the show every year.”

                “Yeah, what category do I fall under?”

                “The decent one,” Hank replied. “You look at him differently too.”

                Michael swallowed and faced forward, watching as Kevin pushed his way over to smirk down at Alex.

                “You better get in there. Wouldn’t want Kevin winning the Ferris ride.”

                With a smile of encouragement, Hank left his side and grinned when he walked back on camera. Sighing heavily, Michael picked up the pace and strolled towards the others just as Kevin pushed a giant stuffed panda towards Alex.

                “For you, Babe,” he winked.

                Alex bit the laugh that was on his tongue and smiled instead. “Thank you, Kevin. I love it.”

                The words seemed to fuel Ken Doll’s confidence as he took Alex by his arm and led him to the next tent. Catching Hank’s eyes, Michael strode forward through the group and stopped just behind Alex’s shoulder. Reaching out, he pressed his hand to the small of Alex’s back, a thrill shooting through him when the soldier quietly gasped. Inching even closer, Michael waited until Alex had turned to face him before reaching out to remove his shades.

                “Let me see your eyes, Private.”

                They stared at one another for a beat too long, neither moving, until Kevin cleared his throat to get their attention. Instead of handing the shades back over, Michael clipped them on his own collar, smirking when Alex’s eyes darkened.

                “Seems like all of you can play this game,” Hank pointed towards the twenty water guns that were tied to the counter.

                Using a hand to nudge Kevin out of the way, Michael brushed past Alex to the water gun closest to him.

“The game is easy. Shoot the water into the hole to watch the toy duck move up,” the attendant instructed as Alex moved to the side next to Hank.

                “You’re going down,” Kevin sneered, making sure to keep his lips smiling for the cameras pointed at them.

                Glancing back at Alex, Michael gave a wink before sliding the shades over his face. Alex bit his cheek to keep his smile hidden but Hank had caught the moment. Kevin glared between them, forcing his eyes forward to focus on the game.

                “Ready, go!” the attendant shouted.

                All twenty men squirted the water as hard as they could, most shouting at the duck in ridiculous attempts to make it move faster. The bell finally rang and Mohammed shouted in victory, walking over with a bright smile on his face. Michael watched as the man slung his arm around Alex’s shoulders, feeling the jealousy rise inside him again. Alex pointed at one of the animals and Mohammed grinned as he passed the stuffed lion to him.

                “Alright guys, let’s keep the momentum going!” Hank exclaimed.

                Ushering them further through the grounds, Michael watched as one of the assistants rushed on screen, taking the toys from Alex to leave his hands bare. Slipping in beside him, Michael gave a smile and waited until Alex finally returned it.

                “You planning on giving my glasses back?”

                “Looks better on me,” Michael argued, laughing when Alex shot him a glare.

                Pulling him to the side, he took the shades off and slipped them back into Alex’s collar.

                “I’m kidding. You look sexy in them,” he teased, watching as Alex swallowed. “Just wanted to see your eyes.”

                “My eyes aren’t special,” Alex said as he looked away.

                Michael watched over his shoulder as Hank steered Kevin towards one of the games before he could march towards them.

                “Yeah they are,” he said, losing the flirtatious tone. “They were one of my favorite things about you back then. So damn expressive.”

                Alex looked away on instinct but Michael shot his hand out and brought his gaze back towards him.

                “What are you doing, Guerin?” he whispered, the words coming out breathless.

                “I really missed you.”

                They stared at one another for several seconds until Hank relented and let the others approach.

                “Hey, what’s with the love fest over here?” Tony spat, moving over to take Alex’s arm. “Come on, Babe, let me show you that game over there.”

                Giving Michael a final glance, Alex let himself be steered towards another tent. A buzzing at his ankle made him roll his eyes, already knowing what Isobel was texting him. The rest of the hour went by in similar fashion, going from game to game as each of the men got the chance to win Alex a prize. By the time noon had arrived, Hank gathered the group and led them towards a shooting game, their last before the prize challenge.

                “Alright, welcome you guys!” the young attendant grinned for the cameras, enjoying her five minutes of fame. “Pretty simple setup. Pick up the gun and shoot at the targets over there. If you get five out of five, you win one of the big prizes overhead. Each number less, the prize gets smaller. Guaranteed to win at least something unless your aim is totally shit.”

                Hank motioned to the cameras and the girl giggled at her slip.

                “Who wants to go first?” he asked, taking over.

                “Me!”

                “Johnny Wu, step up to the counter,” Hank addressed him as the man made his way over, giving Alex a wide grin.

                “I’ll win you one of the big ones.”

                Alex offered a smile that made Michael snort, easily seeing past the fake politeness once again. Johnny held up the gun and when the attendant rang the bell, he managed to shoot two out of five targets. Groaning at himself, he picked a stuffed avocado from the toy pile and gave it to Alex who continued to smile.

                “I’m next,” Billy pushed forward and Michael recognized him as the Clown from the first night.

                He managed the same result, handing Alex a small stuffed pig. Two others followed, neither hitting any of the targets until Kevin moved to the front.

                “What about you, Ryan?” Hank exclaimed but the other man chuckled and shook his head.

                “I got this,” Kevin smirked, rolling his shoulders as he focused his gaze.

                By the time the buzzer sounded, he’d shot three out of five targets. Grinning at the men behind him, he turned back to Alex and pointed at the bigger toys. Alex smiled again, lifting his chin to a stuffed donkey. Only Michael understood him referencing the toy to the man, coughing to hide the sudden laugh that bubbled from his chest.

                “What about you, Michael?” Hank asked, playing into the animosity between him and Kevin.

                “I can beat three no problem,” he shrugged, ignoring the buzz at his ankle.

                Alex’s eyes grew softer and his smile more genuine as he watched Michael lift the gun and aim. The attendant rang the bell and he managed to shoot three targets, ignoring the laughter from Ken Doll and DipShit behind him.

                “You can beat three?” Alex teased, his lips curving into a grin.

                “What toy do you want, Private?” Michael asked instead, his eyes bright with mischief.

                Alex looked through the choices and pointed at the teddy bear. When he held the animal against his chest, he glanced back at Michael as a quiet exchange passed through them. Michael’s own gaze softened, forgetting the cameras and the other men beside them until Hank’s laughter snapped both out of their daze.

                “That’s quite a tension you have between you,” the Host spoke towards the cameras.

                “Hold these,” Alex exclaimed, shoving the stuffed animals into Hank’s arms and taking his place at the game.

                He gave a nod to the attendant and when the girl rang the bell, he shot off each of the five targets with seconds to spare. Smiling at himself, he lowered the gun and turned back towards the stunned faces.

                “Military,” he reminded. “Ten years. I learned at least one or two tricks.”

                “That was sexy,” Kevin recovered first.

                Instead of answering, Alex turned back to the girl who pointed to the largest toys above his eyes. His eyes scanned through his options before motioning to the one furthest away. Michael’s breath caught in his throat as he watched the girl take the stuffed alien and hand it over to Alex.

                “Man of many talents,” Hank smiled, passing the rest of the toys to his assistant. “Alright, gentlemen. Let’s go to the prize challenge.”

                Holding the alien tight against him, Alex led the group forward as Michael watched them go, an ache he hadn’t felt since senior year of high school building in his chest.

                “Each of you will step up and hit the hammer on the spot as hard as you can. The harder you hit, the further the mark will go. Whoever gets the highest point can sit with Alex on the Ferris Wheel,” Hank explained.

                The men filed in a single line with Kevin leading the charge. Snapping out of his thoughts, Michael made his way over and fell into last place. When Kevin grabbed the hammer, he tossed Alex his signature smirk before slamming it down. The mark moved up the line before stopping near the top edge. One by one, they took their turns as Hank played up the game for the cameras. When Bob the body builder took his shot, his thick muscles allowed him to push his mark higher than the rest. Kevin looked away with a huff as Bob pointed to himself and gave a victory dance.

                “Alright, Michael, you’re up,” Hank addressed him. “If you get it higher than Bob’s mark, you’ll win the challenge. Let’s see what you got.”

                Moving forward towards the hammer, Michael reached down to grab it before turning his gaze back to Alex. They watched one another in silence and Michael felt himself step back into the past when they were seventeen, young boys falling in love for the first time. His lips remembered how it had felt when he and Alex had finally kissed all those years ago, crashing together as their hands mapped out their bodies. The kiss had been everything Michael never knew he wanted and suddenly, all he could think of was feeling Alex’s lips on his again.

                Tearing his gaze away, he lifted the hammer and focused on the mark straight ahead. Using his powers discreetly without movement, he took a deep breath and slammed the hammer down on the spot at his feet. The mark shot up with his focused gaze and pushed past Bob’s spot to hit the highest point. As some of the men cheered at his win, Michael swallowed and looked back at Alex. The small smile he saw curving the other man’s lips made everything worth it.

                “Congratulations, Michael!” Hank exclaimed. “Let’s get you men over to the Ferris Wheel.”

                They walked together, side by side, watching each other under their lashes. As the rest of the group waited to the side, they made their way to the back of the line. Their eyes locked with one another again, neither noticing the crew moving to one of the seats and attaching a portable camera to feed back to their equipment on the ground. When the attendant waved them over, they climbed into the seat and snapped the bar into place, the stuffed alien seated between them. Once the ride creaked and lifted them into the air, Michael pushed the alien to his other side and slid on the seat towards Alex.

                “Nice win,” Alex said but kept his eyes on the bright lights around them.

                The ache was back in Michael’s chest again, wanting him to reach out and take Alex’s hand. Keeping his hands firmly in place, he turned on the seat to look at him.

                “When you told me that night that you were leaving, that you joined the Air Force and we argued and I told you to go, I didn’t really think you would.”

                “It was the only choice I had at the time,” Alex sighed as the ride came back to the ground and started up again. “He didn’t leave me with too many options. It was either go or stay and watch him…”

                “Watch him what?” Michael asked but Alex shook his head.

                “Doesn’t matter. It was a long time ago and I’m retired now anyway. My enlistment ended a few weeks back. Closed that chapter of my life.”

                They settled into silence as the ride started on turn number three.

                “How was it, over there?” Michael finally asked.

                “I wasn’t on the front lines or with patrol the whole time. Spent a lot of it on the base, perfected my skills at codebreaking and eventually they put me in with intelligence analysis,” Alex started, staring up at the stars overhead. “Sometimes if the patrol units were scattered, they’d round us up and source us out to the Rangers. We’d help with infrastructure, evacuations, everything in between.”

                He kept his eyes on the stars but his hand reached down towards his leg, the move catching Michael’s eyes.

                “Some days were easier, other’s weren’t. It was war. I went, I survived and I came back.”

                Michael watched him for a moment before inching closer. “Were you ever hurt?”

                Alex lowered his head and met his gaze before looking away. “Not a single soldier on base could say they weren’t. Some scars were physical, all of them emotional.”

                Taking a sharp breath, Michael reached out and curled his fingers through Alex’s, squeezing to offer his comfort. “Why did you never reach out to me?”

                “I told you, Guerin. We didn’t part on good terms.”

                “You didn’t have to go,” Michael spoke, his eyes beginning to water as they both sat oblivious to the camera behind them.

                “I wish I could have stayed. I wish for a lot of things,” Alex said, his gaze lowering to his leg again. “But that’s all in the past. Doesn’t help anyone to dwell on things that happened so long ago. Ten years of war isn’t little, Guerin. It felt like a lifetime.”

                Rubbing at his eyes, Michael glanced at the alien and grabbed the toy with his free hand. “Why’d you pick this?”

                Alex smiled down at the toy, pulling his hand free to Michael’s disappointment and lifting the alien onto his lap.

                “I guess because I’ve always felt that way, like an alien,” Alex replied, tilting his head to meet Michael’s eyes. “Never felt like I belonged to my family. My Father, my brothers, I was always the odd one out. High school wasn’t any better. Small towns and their narrowed ways of thinking. Military was hard too. Being gay in the armed forces is not the easiest. My whole life, I always felt like an alien, expect with…”

                He bit his tongue and looked away. Swallowing hard, Michael touched Alex’s cheek, dragging his face back towards him.

                “Except with what?” he whispered.

                Alex bit his lip and Michael’s eyes quickly lowered to the slip of tongue peeking out. Before he could close the distance, the ride came to a stop and a grinning Hank stepped towards them.

                “Just classmates?” he asked, his brows raised in amusement.

                They both noticed the camera behind them at the same moment. Grabbing the stuffed alien, Alex pushed the bar up and climbed out of the seat, desperate to put some space between them. Michael sat frozen for several moments until Hank’s voice brought him back to the present. He ignored the buzzing at his ankle until they had parted with Alex outside the mansion.

                With the carnival running late into the afternoon, Hank rescheduled the movie and asked everyone to dress for the rose ceremony. Making his way to the privacy of one of the bathrooms, he locked the door and switched on the faucet, finally reaching for his phone.

                **_Loved how Alex beat you all at the game! Choosing that stuffed alien? Am I missing something, Michael? ;)_**

**_You have no idea how happy I am that you beat that jerk for the final prize. Even Max was squealing!_ **

**_I was not squealing, Michael. You definitely used your powers. I know you did. This is Max by the way._ **

                Michael rolled his eyes at his brother’s dryness.

                **_The tension between you two is crazy! No way you were ‘classmates’._**

**_Michael, what’s going on? What is he talking about? Leaving for the Air Force? What am I missing?!!!_ **

**_Alex is Brian, isn’t he?_ **

**_Oh Michael._ **

                Rubbing at his eyes, Michael leaned back against the sink, remembering the ‘Brian’ he had named as the boy who’d broken his heart back in high school. He had never used those words, only allowed that he and ‘Brian’ had been together for a short time but Isobel had always known better.

                _**Yeah, he is.**_

The response was immediate. **_Why didn’t you tell me earlier? I never would have made you go on the show!_**

 ** _Doesn’t matter. That was a long time ago and you were right, we need the information._** He answered.

                **_Michael, please stop lying to yourself. You wanted to kiss him tonight on the ride. Whatever it was between you is not dead._**

He read the words and reread them several times, letting the truth behind them settle in his heart. Shutting the phone back onto silent, he turned around and stared at his reflection in the mirror.

                “Shit.”

  
                ********

                As Alex walked out of the limo, dressed in a dark navy suit, the producers cut off his path, the cameras momentarily turned away.

                 “It was a pretty good day, Alex,” Jenna smiled. “You shared moments with a lot of the guys, especially with Michael in the Ferris Wheel.”

                “Keep forgetting you guys have cameras everywhere,” he sighed.

                “No, it’s perfect. Seeing that tension between you, hearing your words, viewers will eat that up!” Ken grinned.

                “Before we let you go,” Jenna cut her colleague off, “tonight’s your first official rose ceremony. You can terminate up to three of the men but we need to make sure you understand. Kevin has to make it to the end. Him and Michael both. The brewing animosity between them is good for ratings.”

                “So much for this being my choice,” Alex scoffed.

                “It is your choice, Alex. Just make sure they make it close enough to the end.”

                Sighing heavily, he moved past them towards the path just as the cameras started filming. Once he was through the doors and into the main room, the men turned towards him with smiles.

                “Alex, tonight’s your first rose ceremony,” Hank began, addressing the man beside them holding a tray of roses. “Whenever you’re ready.”

                Looking through the faces of the men lined up before him, he reached for the first rose and forced a smile at Kevin. Smirking at being chosen first, Kevin sauntered over and extended his hand.

                “Will you accept this rose?” Alex managed.

                “Damn straight I will, Baby!” he winked, making his way back to his spot in the line.

                Swallowing the urge he felt at rolling his eyes, Alex reached for the second rose and looked towards Ryan. When the roses were almost complete, Alex lifted the last one from the tray. He looked through the remaining four faces, remembering Billy as the clown, Rob “the Man” and Andrew who had given him a ventriloquist doll their first night. His eyes finally landed on Michael and Alex felt his heart jolt in his chest. Michael’s eyes were sad as he watched him, not understanding why we was clumped in with the other three men. Alex made a show for the cameras, looking between the others before turning to Michael again. He finally let his lips curve into a smile and beckoned him over.

                “Will you accept this rose?”

                Michael reached out to take the stem, letting his hand curl over Alex’s for a moment. “Look at me.”

                Taking a deep breath, he let his eyes lock with Michael’s. Their gaze continued until Michael finally released his hand.

                “Do you really think I wouldn’t accept it?” he asked, his voice low enough to stay between them. “Alex, when I told you I missed you…”

                One of the cameras suddenly pushed towards them, needing to catch Michael’s quiet words. Brought back to reality, he took a step backwards and smiled.

                “Thank you for the rose.”

                Alex bit his lip and nodded. All Michael wanted was to reach out and slide his thumb across the slight wetness but he took a steadying breath and stepped back instead.

                “Well, gentlemen, that concludes our first official rose ceremony,” Hank began, turning towards the three dejected men. “Billy, Rob and Andrew, we thank you all for coming on the show.”

                As the ceremony winded down, the three men gave their goodbyes and made their way outside.

                “That’s it for tonight,” Hank addressed the cameras. “One on one dates are up next. Things are about to get romantic.”

                When the cameras were finally off, Alex took a breath and gave the remaining men a small wave before following the producers out of the mansion. Michael watched him go, his eyes drawn to Alex like moths to a flame. Once the soldier had disappeared through the doors, Michael lowered his face to the rose and breathed it in.


	5. FIVE

*****

 

                Taking a sip of his room service ordered coffee, Alex leaned back on his chair near the open balcony, letting the warm breeze settle against his skin. His other hand was locked around the handcuff necklace Michael had given back to him that first night. When he’d bought that necklace for himself all those years ago, he wore it to represent his strength and rebellion against his Father and society. It was never a big gesture but enough for Alex to use as a symbol against all the pain and disappointment in his life. When he’d given it to Michael, it had been his way of showing the other boy how much he mattered to him and even after the way they had ended back then, Michael had still kept it with him all that time. Alex felt his heartbeat quicken at the thought. As much as he wanted to wear the necklace again, to be who he was back then, war and everything he’d been through had changed him. Inside, he was still a bit of a rebel, that seventeen year old still a big part of who he was but he’d also grown and matured over time.

                The loud knock on the door ripped him away from his thoughts. Leaving the necklace secure in the top drawer of his dresser, he walked over and pulled the door open, stopping an eye roll at the last second when Jenna and Ken wandered inside.

                “Morning, Alex,” she smiled, steadying the binder in her arms. “Today you will have a group date at a private beach. The personalities are too rich so we’re inviting everyone out again.”

                Alex lowered his gaze to his pants covered leg, a feeling of dread filling him before he glanced back up.

                “Do we have to do the beach? Can it not be somewhere that I don’t have to strip down?”

                “Alex, these segments were all decided and planned well before the season started. No changes are allowed,” Ken shook his head.

                Taking a deep breath, he leaned down and tapped his leg. Jenna’s gaze softened but Ken waved him off.

                “They have to know about it sometime, right? You can’t spring it on them during the Fantasy Suites,” Ken chuckled.

                “I get that,” Alex started, hating how weak his voice sounded. “But this is very personal. I would appreciate if it wasn’t televised.”

                “The contract you signed was very detailed, if you recall. Plus, think of all the higher ratings we’ll have!” Ken grinned. “We need to get moving, though. I’ll be outside.”

                Whirling around, he disappeared through the doors as Alex watched him go.

                “I’m sorry,” Jenna apologized, swallowing the shame she felt. “I don’t really agree with this but the Executives are adamant and Ken’s more senior than I am.”

                Alex simply nodded, staring past her shoulder at a spot on the wall. When he made no other comment, she sighed and walked out of the suite, leaving him alone to his thoughts.

                ********

                “It’s about time we see the body he’s hiding under all those clothes,” Kevin smirked, following Hank as the group made their way down the private beach.

                “All those years in the military, he’s got to have a rock hard body,” Tony added and some of the men laughed.

                Michael glared at the men as he followed them down the path. Their words made the jealousy he felt grow stronger, despite how irrational he knew it all was.

                “Well, gentlemen, here we are,” Hank’s voice cut through.

                Looking up, Michael let his eyes cast over the romantic setup. A white tent was settled over the sand, a table with chairs left in the middle with rose petals scattered around.

                “Alex should be here soon and we’ll get lunch started for you,” Hank explained, pointing to another tent where a catering crew were on standby. “In the meantime, you can all enjoy the beautiful warm water with our Bachelor.”

                On cue, Alex walked around the bend and made his way towards the smiling group, a small bag gripped tightly in his hand. His breath was shaky and his heart was beating loud, only Hank and Michael sensing his discomfort.

                “Hi,” he started, giving his best smile that never reached his eyes. “There’s something I’d like to tell you all before we start our day. Let me go get changed first.”

                Avoiding the cameras that were spread around them, he hurried towards the private changing booth and slipped inside. Shutting the door behind him, he dropped his bag to the ground and let the shake in his hands take over. Pressing his forehead against the cool cement wall, he felt the tears he’d been holding threaten to fall. Taking one deep breath after another, he forced himself to calm down, repeating his mantra over and over until his anxiety had passed.

                Reaching for his bag, he slowly pulled off his shirt, letting his hands glide over the small scars that covered his torso, some from old wounds of his youth, others from three years ago at war. His bottom was next and he slipped on his black swim trunks, sliding them past the prosthetic as he tied them at the waist. His eyes lingered on the prosthetic for several seconds but before his mind could fall back to the darkest period of his life, he packed up his things and stepped out.

                Taking a final deep breath, he forced one step in front of the other, walking back towards the group, wary of the zooming cameras and the sudden gasps. Michael moved past the man blocking his view and stopped. His eyes traveled down Alex’s torso, lingering on the faded scars before reaching the prosthetic at the end. When he lifted his gaze again, he saw Alex staring directly at him, his eyes guarded but the gentle quiver of his lips was enough to snap Michael out of his daze. Glancing back towards the other slack-jawed men, he moved forward and smacked the closest on his shoulder.

                “How about we all don’t stare at him like total assholes?” he snapped, turning back to Alex to see the gratitude in his eyes.

                Kevin was the first who spoke, clearing his throat as he stepped forward. “In the line of duty?”

                “Yeah,” Alex nodded, clasping his trembling hands together. “About three years ago.”

                The group remained silent, murmuring amongst themselves until Michael pushed through them and reached out to grab the shaking hands. The touch seemed to settle Alex as he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he let his eyes fall open again, he saw the smile on Michael’s face and suddenly felt calm.

                “You’re still hot, Private,” Michael smirked.

                The words were ridiculous enough that Alex fell forward and pulled Michael into his arms. Pressing his face into Michael’s neck, he took a deep breath and settled against his chest. Swallowing the sudden lump in his throat, Michael let his arms slowly wrap around the other man, holding him close. He heard the conversation pick up behind them but all Michael could feel was Alex against him.

                A decade had passed since he last held him in his arms and it felt like no time had passed at all. When Alex finally moved back with a shy smile, all Michael wanted was to press their lips together. His eyes fell to Alex’s lips and lingered, feeling an ache inside his chest that kept growing. Remembering their audience and the cameras at the last moment, he swallowed his need to taste the other man’s lips and forced himself to smile. As deep as his need was to close the distance, he wanted his first kiss with Alex to be private and a moment just for them, without prying eyes or millions watching behind the cameras.

                “Thank you,” Alex whispered and Michael could see his walls spring back up as he took a step backwards and faced everyone else.

                Michael’s arms tingled from the feel of Alex against him, the smell of the other man lingering in his senses. He took a deep breath, surprised by the intensity of what he felt. When he finally focused on the voices, he looked up to see Hank was addressing the group.

                “How about you all take advantage of the warm water? We’ll get a nice lunch ready for you in the meantime,” Hank suggested as he turned back to Alex, his smile kind. “Is your prosthetic waterproof?”

                “It is,” Alex nodded, managing a smile.

                “Then let’s get you in!” Kevin shouted, his smirk returning.

                He moved forward with a few of the men, leading Alex towards the water. The smile returned to Alex’s face as he took a small step inside the shallow wave, letting the warmth of the water press against him before venturing deeper inside.

                “I hated that,” Jenna shook her head, turning towards Ken. “That was heartless. We shouldn’t have made him do that.”

                “Ratings, Jenna,” Ken rolled his eyes. “We’re not in the business of caring about hurting people’s feelings.”

                “You damn well should be!” Michael snapped, his sudden voice making both whirl around as the cameras quickly moved away.

                “Michael,” Jenna started, the shame she felt bleeding through her voice.

                “You made him expose that part of himself in front of the cameras? The hell is wrong with you?” he shouted.

                From his spot inside the water, Alex heard the raised voices and looked back to see Michael engaging with the producers off camera. Acting on instinct, he slipped his way out of the water and walked across the sand, the cameras following him until he reached Michael’s side. Jenna and Ken instantly took a step back, moving out of frame when Alex reached out and slipped his fingers into Michael’s hand.

                “Come in the water with me.”

                His hand tightened around Alex as he let his eyes sink into the gaze of the man he’d never stopped thinking about. Their stare continued for several seconds, oblivious to the world around them until Michael took a small step forward, touching his forehead to Alex. They breathed together as one, their hearts calming from the comfort of the touch. As they pulled back and gave each other shy smiles, they missed the fond look on Hank’s face as he watched them from the side.

                “You just want to see me without my shirt on,” Michael smirked, his eyes traveling down Alex’s naked chest.

                The smile slowly left his face as he took in the scars but Alex shook his head and forced his face back up. Michael instantly understood his silent plea not to linger on the scars. With a final squeeze of his hand, Alex started walking back towards the water, getting dragged in by Ryan and Tyrese once his feet hit the waves.

                “I agree with you,” Hank said as he stepped beside Michael, the cameras faced away from them and focused on the rowdy group inside the water. “It was wrong of them to do that.”

                Michael gave the other man a quick glance before turning his glare back to the producers. Ken was busy on his phone while Jenna watched the group in silence, her shoulders lowered.

                “You and Alex have a strong connection.”

                Turning back towards the Host, Michael opened his mouth to answer before deciding to stay quiet. Without giving a response, he started walking forward and ripped his shirt off, leaving him bare with his navy swim trunks. As he stepped to the edge of the water, Alex spun around and caught his eyes. They stared at one another with several yards of water between them. Biting his lower lip, Alex let his eyes scan down Michael’s torso, lingering on the splatter of hair leading down before ripping his gaze back up to see the other man’s toothy grin. Despite the heaviness of moments before, Michael couldn’t help but smile, loving the feel of Alex’s eyes on his body. Not wasting another moment, he sprang forward into the water, moving through the shallow waves until he reached him.

                “See something you like?” he teased, the water stopping at their waists.

                Alex blushed for a brief moment before shrugging with feigned nonchalance.  

                “A lot of good looking guys around me. What makes you so different?”

                Moving even closer, Michael looked up from under his lashes, reaching under the water to take Alex’s hand.

                “They’re not me.”

                He let his gaze slowly roll down Alex’s body and felt the tremble where their hands were joined. Forcing his nerves away, Alex pulled his hand free and playfully pushed Michael backwards. With a smile on his face that warmed Michael on the inside, he turned towards the rest of the group and pushed forward, joining them in their water fight. Michael stood back for several seconds, watching Alex laugh with Ryan and three others whose names he still couldn’t recognize.

                Before he could join in on the fun, Kevin moved in behind Alex and wrapped his arms around the soldier. The sudden movement made Alex flail his arms in panic, pushing Kevin away and stumbling back. He quickly recovered and splashed water at Kevin, making him and the others laugh, but Michael saw through his act. He took in Alex’s fluttering lashes and the slight quiver in his lip, seeing the hidden panic masked behind a face of jubilation. Slowly moving towards him, making sure to stay in his line of sight, Michael stood next to the other man as their eyes drew back together like magnets. The ache Michael felt made him want to reach out and touch Alex at his cheek, to pull him into the safety of his arms and whisper forgotten promises he’d made all those years past. Instead, he bumped Alex with his own hip and the answering smile made his own heart swell.

                After a gourmet lunch and another few hours in the water, they built a small bonfire on the beach and sat around the flames, exchanging stories from their lives. Michael watched from his spot beside Ryan as Alex chuckled at Mohammed’s childhood account, sitting between him and Brad, the teacher who loved to rap.

                “What about you, Alex? Any good stories from your childhood?” Mohammed asked once his story had ended.

                “How about we hear from someone else first,” Alex steered the conversation away, looking over at Ryan with a smile. “What about you?”

                Grinning at the sudden attention, Ryan sat up in his spot, clasping his hands between his knees.

                “Had a pretty normal upbringing in North Carolina,” he started. “I have three older brothers, all of us about two years apart. Drove our Mother crazy as kids.”

                The group chuckled as Alex nodded.

                “I have three older brothers too,” he said, looking into the fire.

                Ryan beamed from having something in common with Alex, giving his widest smile.

                “Were your brothers as nuts as mine? Always getting into trouble, pulling pranks, that kind of stuff?”

                Alex looked up, pondering the question before shaking his head. “We were a military family so discipline was pretty big in our home.”

                “I remember this one time,” Ryan continued with a laugh. “My oldest brother Luke, he thought it would be a great idea to light fireworks in our neighbourhood park. I don’t even know where he got them from, he was fourteen at the time. But the four of us snuck out through our bedroom windows after midnight and ran to the park. Luke always pretended he knew everything about everything because he was older than the rest of us but he had no idea. He set the fireworks off and they caught on something, I still don’t know what it was. Started a huge fire.”

                “Were you guys alright?” Alex frowned.

                “Yeah, we were fine!” Ryan chuckled. “But the cops and firemen came and the whole neighbourhood woke up. My parents were so embarrassed. Grounded us for three months.”

                “You think that’s bad?” Ben laughed, his swim trunks covered in small whales like the one he had dressed up as on their first night. “My cousin dragged me to a strip club when he found out I was gay, wanted me to get the whole experience of handsome dancing men. Problem was I was sixteen at the time.”

                The others laughed as Ben shook his head at his own memory.

                “The strip club got raided by undercovers cops, something about a drug operation and we all got arrested. They figured out my ID was bogus and they ended up calling my Mom and Dad,” Ben said with a heavy sigh. “That’s how my parents found out I was gay. They were pretty good about it though, especially my Dad. Just told me to get a better ID next time. My whole family heard the story and they still won’t let me live it down. Bring it up every damn holiday.”

                “My family had gone away to visit my Aunt for the weekend and it was just me and my older sister,” Johnny Wu picked up when Ben had finished. “I was eighteen, about to graduate high school and head off to Cal Tech on an engineering scholarship. I knew I was gay but my parents didn’t. Figured I would go away to school in the Fall, be who I was and then ease them into it over time but the guy I was secretly seeing came over that Saturday night. My sister was out with her friends so I had the house all to myself. We went up to my room, started having sex and we were so into it that I never heard the noise downstairs. Apparently my Aunt had gotten sick so they came back earlier than planned. My Mom came in my room and caught me and Marco together. She started screaming in Mandarin so of course my Dad, my Uncle, my little cousin and my Grandmother all ran inside.”

                Scattered laughter sounded through the group but Michael kept his gaze on Alex, seeing the different emotions playing on his face.

                “My Grandmother, surprisingly, had enough of a mind to usher everyone out of the room so we could get dressed. Marco went through my window, leaving me to deal with the fallout on my own,” Johnny grumbled. “When I went outside to face the music, my Mom was crying and my Dad just stared at me, disappointed. My Grandmother told me to stay in my room until morning and that’s what I did. When I finally went downstairs the next day, I started crying, telling my parents how sorry I was for liking boys, making all sorts of excuses and my Mom stopped me before I could really break down. She said it didn’t matter that I was gay but why did I have to pick a boy that wasn’t Asian.”

                “That was their problem?” Tony snorted as quiet laughter erupted again.

                “They fully supported who I was, my sexual preferences. They only wished I could find a nice Asian boy,” Johnny smiled. “I really lucked out. My family is wonderful.”

                Alex looked down at the words, his eyes beginning to glaze in a way that Michael easily caught. He wanted to walk over and sit beside him, hold Alex’s hand and comfort him from the dark memories he knew were going through his mind but another voice made Michael look forward.

                “My Mom was pretty good but my Dad wasn’t,” Tyrese spoke softly and Michael remembered him holding a box of chocolates to gift Alex the first night. “He didn’t think his son could be a real man if I wanted to be with other men. I came out to them before prom senior year. I wanted to take my boyfriend to the dance but we had been secret and my Dad kept pushing me about finding a girl. Got to the point where I couldn’t take it anymore so one night, I just blurted it out. They were both stunned and eventually, my Dad got up and stormed out of the house. My Mom started crying and hugged me and she asked if I understood how much harder my life would become. I couldn’t lie about who I was, not anymore. After that, my Dad hardly looked at me. That closeness was gone. He and my Mom fought all the time until he finally walked out. They never got officially divorced, just separated. Something about the health insurance.”

                He shrugged and released a deep sigh.

                “My Mom and my younger brother, I have amazing relationships with them both but my Dad, I see him at Christmas and family get togethers. He never makes any comments but that close bond we had no longer exists. I hate it because I loved my Dad a whole lot but I couldn’t lie about who I was anymore.”

                The group nodded at his story, knowing how common it was.

                “My parents were pretty fine, to be honest,” Lenny shrugged. “Our family is wealthy so my Father was a bit worried about his image but eventually he came around. We were never too close to begin with so we make pleasantries on holidays but as for them being involved in my personal life, not really. I like it that way. Kevin, what about you?”

                The blond looked up and allowed his smirk to shine.

                “Wealthy family. As long as I make a good choice in partners, they have no qualms about who or what I want,” he said, turning towards Alex. “I think you’re the perfect one.”

                Alex forced a smile and glanced down as Frank cleared his throat.

                "I got into comedy when I was in high school because it was my one escape from reality. My parents found out like a lot of others. This guy I was with, he and I were parked in his car down the street from my house, making out. Windows were all fogged up and the neighbourhood watch caught us. This jerk I hated in school, his Dad was on the watch and he all but dragged me to my house, woke my parents up and outed me," Frank sighed. "My parents were both homophobic, used religion as an excuse for the stuff they always said. That night, my Dad slapped me for the first and last time. He was angry and humiliated in front of his neighbour. Called me a sinner and all kinds of other stuff. They wanted to put me into some corrective camp but I got out of there right after graduation before they could do that. I still see them sometimes, usually at family get togethers but we're not really a family anymore. I use comedy as a way to make sense of all that."

                The group stayed quiet for a moment, letting the confessed words settle before Ryan broke the silence with a small smile.

                “My brothers found my stash of gay porn under my bed when I was fifteen. We were close so they sat me down and talked to me. It was really nice,” he smiled at the memory. “My parents were supportive too. I had an Uncle on my Mom’s side who was homophobic, gave a drunken rant in the middle of Thanksgiving dinner that year but my parents kicked him out and banned him from future get togethers. Kids in school weren’t the best but I had my brothers to defend me and that made everything all the better. They were my best friends.”

                Michael glanced back at Alex again, seeing the sadness in his eyes.

                “What about you, Michael?” Ryan asked from beside him, grabbing his attention.

                He locked eyes with Alex across the fire, the other man having looked up when his name had been called.

                “It was just me, my sister and brother. Our parents had passed when we were younger,” he started, choosing not to linger on the details before looking away from the intensity in Alex’s eyes. “We never really talked about it. I kept things private back in high school. When we moved to California after graduation, I started fooling around with guys and girls, whoever interested me. My sister was the first to figure it out when she came over to my apartment one morning and saw my very male one night stand walking out. She was cool about it, though. Offered to set me up with guys. Always wanted me to have a real relationship but that wasn’t what I wanted.”

                He chanced a look back at Alex but couldn’t read the expression in his eyes.

                “Until the show, anyway,” he added quietly. “My brother was fine with it too, eventually. Had a bit of old school thinking at first but after a few fights, he came around and started pointing out handsome guys whenever we met up.”

                A few of the men gave him smiles and Ryan patted his back. He glanced over at Alex again but the other man was staring into the fire.

                “What about you, Alex?” Ryan asked, turning his attention to the man of the hour.

                He looked up in silence, staring between the faces before his eyes caught sight of the cameras around them. Michael watched hm closely, understanding the wave of emotions he could sense were going through Alex’s mind.

                “My Mother died when I was young,” he started, giving Ryan a sad smile before staring back into the fire. “Living in a military family isn’t always easy. There’s a lot of discipline to act a certain way and pressure to fit inside a mold that had been crafted before you were even born. My three older brothers, they fit into that mold perfectly. Complete replicas of my Father in attitude, ruthlessness, beliefs. I was the black sheep.”

                He chuckled at his own words but only Michael could see the sadness they carried.

                “I was a bit of a rebel back in high school. Black guyliner and pierced ears,” he said and a few of the men whistled at the thought. “I did all of that afterwards because when my Father found out I was gay, he didn’t take it really well.”

                He took a breath and hesitated, every truth about his childhood on the tip of his tongue. That first beating when he was fifteen, one of the worst he had experienced in his life. Every beating that followed, every verbal abuse Jesse would throw his way. So much of who he was now was tangled in the abuse he’d experienced as a young adult. War had changed him greatly but the experiences he had suffered through during those four high school years would haunt him for the rest of his life. As much as he wanted to speak the truth, to out his proud Father on television, to destroy the clean image Jesse had created for himself, the anxiety Alex felt made him stop.

                “Our relationship was never the same,” he finally said. “When I joined the Air Force, a part of me thought it would get him off my back about my personal life, make him proud. But the distance just grew. My brothers all took after him so my relationship with my family is more of a professional one.”

                Michael lowered his gaze, feeling the beginnings of tears prickling his eyes. He remembered that day in the shed, the feeling of having all of Alex for a few blissful hours before Jesse Manes had walked in and destroyed the only thing he had ever truly loved. His love for Isobel and Max were deep, the three alien siblings caught in a new world as children having bonded them for life. But what he had shared with Alex, the love he had felt for the other man had knocked the wind out of Michael, taking him completely by surprise. The way that they had ended, their bitter goodbye before Alex had left for the Air Force had never stopped the love Michael had felt. Ten years, hundreds of one night stands later and the only name in his heart belonged to Alex. Not even Jesse Manes had been able to destroy that.

                “Well, this was a really great, heartwarming talk,” Hank cut in as he stepped into frame. “How about we all call it a night and head back to the mansion? We have the projector set up in the patio for movie night.”

                The group rose to their feet, making their way across the sand towards the waiting limo. Alex slipped in first and everyone followed with Michael going last. The men continued easier conversation as a cameraman filmed from his spot near the door. Alex pretended to engage with the others, nodding and smiling when the need arose but his mind was working a mile a minute. The conversation outside and the revelation of his prosthetic had brought one too many dark memories back to his mind. His hands tangled between his knees, his nails digging into his palms to stop the panic from rising. As the rest of men talked around them, only Michael noticed the anguish playing in Alex’s eyes.

                By the time they reached the mansion, sunset had already begun. With the sky a beautiful golden red, they made their way inside and spent a few minutes cleaning up before gathering in the back courtyard. Blankets and pillows had been strewn across the lawn, a few patio chairs filling the back. Alex made his way towards the loveseat, lifting the blanket and settling on the cushion. Before any of the others could saunter over to take the spot beside him, Michael used quick feet and rushed over, ignoring the glare Kevin and Tony gave him from behind.

                “You good with me sitting here?”

                Alex looked up but his surprise quickly disappeared as a small smile took its place. He gave a nod and Michael lowered himself onto the seat, accepting half the blanket when Alex held it out.

                “We have a monster number of movies so you guys can pick,” Hank addressed.

                “What about Die Hard?” Johnny Wu asked, taking the chair closest to Alex on his right.

                “How about Shawshank?” Ryan offered but the answering groan made him roll his eyes and fall back against a set of pillows to the other side of Michael.

                “Saving Private Ryan?” Kevin suggested, holding Michael’s eyes as he took the empty chair to his left.

                “Maybe not a war drama?” Michael spat back and Kevin glanced at Alex before realizing and looking away.

                “How about The Notebook?”

                “Harry Potter?”

                “Star Wars?

                “Aliens?

                “Weekend at Bernie’s?”

                The suggestions came like rapid fire and Hank held his hands up with a laugh.

                “What about Ever After?” Alex finally spoke, all eyes turning towards him but he kept his gaze on their Host. “She’s the hero of her own narrative, doesn’t need anyone to save her from her life even though the Prince wants to and tries really hard.”

                Michael stared hard into the side of his face, feeling his heart beating loudly in his chest.

                “Plus, the evil stepmother gets it really good in the end and that’s always good to see,” Alex shrugged.

                Hank looked through the nodding faces as everyone settled into their seats. As the assistants readied the projector, the patio lights were dimmed, giving them a warm glow from the setting sun.

                “Ever After?” Michael finally asked, keeping his voice low and their conversation away from prying ears. “Hero of her own story even though the Prince tries really hard to be that hero for her? Eventually, anyway. Guy was a dick midway through the film.”

                Alex chuckled but stayed silent.

                “You trying to tell me something, Private?”

                Taking a deep breath, Alex tilted his face and met Michael’s eyes. They watched one another for a long time, neither needing to speak any words as their silent exchange answered Michael’s thoughts.

                “I never should have walked away from you like that,” he whispered and Alex felt his breath catch in his throat. “Staying away after that night? I’m so sorry, Alex.”

                “You had every right,” he replied, starting to turn away.

                Desperate to keep the other man’s eyes locked with his, Michael reached under the blanket and gripped Alex’s hand. The move startled him but he slowly turned his gaze back to Michael again.

                “I never should have made you think I blamed you for what happened. There was a lot of other things going on in my life back then and I thought I needed space from you but I was wrong. I hate myself for making you think I blamed you. I hated myself for over a decade.”

                “Guerin,” Alex started, blinking through the onslaught of emotions whirling in his gut as he noticed the cameras angling towards them. “I never blamed you for that. After what happened, after what he did, I understood why.”

                “But I was wrong,” Michael whispered harshly. “I was wrong and you left for the military and you went through…”

                “Stop,” Alex told him, his voice barely staying strong. “I don’t want to talk about any of that. I _can’t_. What happened, happened. We’re both here now, right?”

                Michael felt his heart begin to break as he watched the boy he had loved all those years ago, the man he had become, desperately plead to change the topic from a single look in his eyes. Instead of speaking, Michael squeezed his hand and felt Alex take a breath as he slowly began to calm. He turned towards the screen as the movie started but brought Michael’s hand to his lap, tangling their fingers together beneath the blanket.

                The opening credits began as the score filled the space around them. Michael watched the pictures on the screen but his mind was focused on the man holding his hand between his own. He bit his lip and took a breath as the truth of what he’d been thinking the past few days finally settled in his mind. Alex wasn’t just the boy Michael had loved all those years ago. He was the man Michael had continued to love through the decade they’d spent apart. He was the man Michael loved even more strongly now.

                He felt the silent confession strike him down, setting his heart on fire and burdening him from the truth of his own lies. Being near him the past few days had made Michael remember that feeling of _home_ he always felt around Alex. The complete love and sense of belonging he had never felt with anyone else, not even Max or Isobel. It scared him, voicing the feelings to himself, in more ways than one. Despite the moments he and Alex had shared, Michael was competing against seventeen other men to win his heart. He could tell himself those moments with Alex were different and special but Alex had a better handle on his emotions and Michael was unable to trust what he thought was brewing between them. Even though his love had grown despite the distance, he couldn’t allow himself to believe Alex felt the same. To complicate his feelings even more, he had entered the show for a single reason and that ultimate truth made Michael swallow the vile taste in his mouth.


	6. SIX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the late update! Life, you know? Been a crazy month! Vacation was fun though :)

*****

 

                Walking into the common area, Michael rubbed the sleep from his eyes as he reached for the steaming pot of coffee. Pouring himself a mug, he took a sip and spun around when Kevin’s voice broke through his fog.

                “We had such a great time yesterday. Alex is so charming, just amazing all around,” Kevin continued to brag, his perfect teeth shining through his grin. “Definitely think I have one of the Fantasy Suites locked in.”

                “What did you guys do?” Tony asked, sinking down on the couch.

                “We had a picnic, watched another movie,” Kevin’s smile lingered. “I tried to kiss him but he’s playing hard to get. I don’t mind though. I like a challenge.”

                The other men laughed just as the doors burst open with Hank walking through.

                “Good morning,” he smiled brightly, eyes scanning through the faces. “We know Kevin had the first one on one date with Alex yesterday. You guys had a good time?”

                “We had a wonderful time,” Kevin smirked as he leaned against the wall. “Expect he’ll call me up for another date.”

                “Well, anything can happen,” Hank chuckled before twisting to face Michael. “But you’re the lucky one Alex chose for the date tonight.”

                Michael heard the groan behind him, knowing without a glance who the sounds belonged to. Lowering his mug back to the table, he pushed forward towards their Host.

                “When do I need to be ready by?”

                “I’ll come get you after lunch,” Hank said with a pat on his shoulder. “You should really look forward to the date. A great night is planned.”

                With a wink and a wave, Hank disappeared back through the doors as one of the cameras zoomed in on his exit. Spinning around, Michael gave a quick smile towards Kevin and made his way back up to the second floor. With the rest of the men downstairs, he shot a quick text to Isobel before hiding his phone under a loose floorboard at the foot of his bed.

  
               ********

                Climbing out from the car, Michael made his way down the path and froze outside the building when Alex walked into frame.

                “Hi Guerin,” Alex started, smiling at the answering silence. “Speechless?”

                “You kind of take my breath away,” Michael said before his brain could switch gears and stop him.

                Seeing the surprise staring back at him made Michael’s heart flutter but he quickly let a smirk settle on his face to ease through the sudden tension.

                “Come on, Private. You look good and you know it.”

                The words had the effect Michael wanted, with Alex snorting as he shook his head.

                “So what’s the plan for today?”

                “We’re starting with paint ball,” Alex pointed to the building behind him. “Then some dessert and something else at the end of the night.”

                “Will that something else be something fun?” Michael flirted, tilting his head to the side.

                “Maybe if you’re lucky,” Alex flirted back.

                He quickly caught himself and came to move away when Michael’s hands reached out to stop him. Pulling their bodies close together, Michael let his palms press at Alex’s waist, his fingers playing with the warm skin underneath.

                “Can I get a hug first?”

                Smiling softly, Alex bit his lip before leaning in to accept the embrace. Pressing his face against the warm neck, Michael circled his arms around Alex’s waist and breathed him in. When Alex let his own arms settle around his shoulders, Michael pressed a smile against his throat, leaving a small kiss that made the other man gasp between them. Slowly pulling back, Alex stared into his eyes for several seconds, his lingering smile private. Remembering the cameras at the last second, he took a step back and grinned.

                “Come on, Guerin. I’m looking forward to kicking your butt in there.”

                He gave a wink that made Michael’s heart leap and quickly spun around to walk inside the building. Taking a deep breath to calm his nerves, Michael jogged inside after him.

                “Welcome guys,” Hank greeted from inside, motioning to the young woman standing beside him. “This is Mindy. She’ll talk you through all the rules and get you guys set up. I’ll be over in the dead zone for when you guys are finished. Have fun!”

                They watched him leave before turning to face the smiling employee.

                “Hi guys, great to meet you,” she beamed, waving shyly at the cameras around them. “Have either of you ever played before?”

                They shook their heads and she laughed, motioning for them to follow.

                “Are either of you competitive?”

                “Soldier on my left so I’ll take a wild stab and say he is,” Michael snorted.

                “Great!” Mindy exclaimed. “We have all your gear right here for you guys to suit up before we start. Each of you will get a paintball gun and with that comes a hopper which pretty much just sits on the gun and feeds the paintball into it.”

                She demonstrated the different parts and faced them again.

                “You’ll also need a compressed air tank which is the propellant required to fire the paint balls and that just screws into your gun over there,” she pointed. “So basic rules of combat. Always keep your safety goggles on at all times. Unsportsmanlike conduct is prohibited so no pushing or shoving or anything like that. Don’t shoot blindly into the air. You guys have the whole place to yourselves and it’s an indoor arena so you don’t have to worry about hitting other competitors or wildlife but there is a referee on standby so no blind shooting. If you’re within ten feet of range of one another, make sure to aim for the shoe, gear or padded areas because it does pack a punch if you get hit up close. Sound good?”

                They nodded and she clapped her hands in excitement.

                “Hank mentioned you have other things planned for after and since it’s just the two of you, we’ll play to five points. So whoever gets five hits on the other the fastest will be the winner,” she exclaimed. “I’ll let you guys get changed and I’ll be in the dead zone with Hank until the game has finished. Your equipment and clothes are already laid out. Have fun!”

                She gave another quick wave and hurried out of the room. Grabbing his bundle, Alex narrowed his eyes, the mischievous spark making Michael’s grin widen.

                “Go on, Private. I’ll see you out there.”

                With a smile that made Michael’s heartbeat quicken, Alex disappeared towards the changerooms. Quickly wearing his own uniform and gear, Michael made sure the padding was secure before fitting the goggles over his eyes.

                “Come and get me,” the whisper came in his ear.

                Twisting his head, he saw the playful smile on Alex’s face before following him out into the arena. They separated from one another, going to opposite ends of the large concourse that had been made to look like the wilderness, complete with a grassy floor. When the referee signalled the start of the game, the lights shut off and colourful strobes lit the walls around them.

                Letting his eyes adjust to the dark, Michael moved away from the wooded structure he was hiding behind, taking a few steps forward as he crouched down. The sudden hit against his calf made him stumble backwards and fall for cover, glancing down to see a splash of red staining his clothes.

                “Come on, Guerin! Don’t make it too easy for me!” Alex shouted from a distance.

                “Son of a bitch,” Michael chuckled and rolled his eyes when Jenna grumbled through his earpiece about language. “That’s the only shot you’ll get off, Private!”

                Another hit against his arm made him spin around but Alex was already gone.

                “What the hell are you, a ninja?” he shouted and the answering laugh made his stomach flutter.

                “Remember that part of me being in the Air Force for ten years? I didn’t spend all that time pushing papers. Learn to listen, Guerin!”” Alex called out, his voice close but still far.

                Seeing movement on his left, Michael slid behind the trees and started moving, keeping his footsteps light across the grass. Just as a strobe of light flashed in his direction, he leapt forward and grabbed around a strong chest. The sudden blasting of a whistle made him stumble backwards, staring into the face of the unamused referee. The sudden shot of paint against his back made him growl as he fell to the ground.

                “Quit it!” he shouted, rolling back to his feet as he stared through the shining lights.

                Pinning his back against another tree, Michael sprinted across the open space towards the other end, ducking behind a wooded pile. Lifting his head slowly to glance through his surroundings, he caught a glimpse of movement up ahead and shot his weapon off.

                “Did I get you?” he called out, but the splash of paint against his side made him fall forward to his knees. “Damn it, Private! Where the hell are you?”

                “Here,” Alex whispered, spinning Michael around and pinning him to the ground, straddling his legs as he aimed his gun down towards him. “Game.”

                Seeing the breathless smile on Alex’s face made Michael forget where they were and the cameras around them. Reaching up, he took the gun from Alex’s hands and lowered it to the ground, twining their fingers together as he pulled Alex down.

                “I forgot how good you look in my lap,” he whispered, the words making Alex’s breath catch.

                Their eyes grew dark in the shining lights around them, staring at one another in silence.

                “Did I hear that right?” Ken whirled around towards Jenna from their spot near the dead zone. “I thought they only knew each other in high school. These two are actual exes?”

                “I don’t know,” Jenna stuttered. “Ken, leave it alone.”

                “Leave it alone? Are you nuts? This is great news! It’ll do wonders with our viewership!”

                She watched as he moved off to the side, his cell phone already in hand. Letting her head lean against the wall, she sighed as her gaze fell back to the cameras.

                “Alex,” Michael started, his eyes lowering to the lips he ached to touch.

                The lights switched on and Alex quickly stumbled backwards, releasing his hold on Michael’s hands as he climbed back to his feet. Clearing the dryness from his own throat, Michael followed as Hank and Mindy moved towards them.

                “That’s got to be some sort of record,” Hank chuckled. “You guys lasted all of five minutes. Competitors usually last a bit longer.”

                “I got nothing on him when he goes into stealth mode,” Michael said, glancing over at Alex who was caught between a grin and a blush.

                “Ten years military experience is good for something,” he replied, his gaze lowering to his leg.

                “Job well done,” Hank smiled kindly. “How about you guys get changed and we head on over to our last spot, get some food in you?”

                They walked into the staging area, quietly changing back into their clothes. As they made their way towards the front doors, Michael caught the shift in Alex’s mood and reached out to touch his arm.

                “Everything alright?”

                Alex looked up from his thoughts and nodded, offering a smile that Michael easily saw through.

                “Tell me what’s wrong,” Michael pleaded, closing the distance between them.

                “The weirdest things just trigger me sometimes,” Alex shrugged. “Come on, Hank’s waiting. Let’s get some dessert.”

                Not waiting for a response, Alex pushed forward towards the waiting car, climbing in as Michael reluctantly followed. The conversation was light inside the car as Hank kept them talking until they pulled back to the mansion.

                “We’re back here?” Michael frowned, climbing out after the others.

                “There’s an area of the mansion that’s closed off and private, the guest house at the end of the courtyard out back,” Hank smiled. “Enjoy your night, gentlemen.”

                He disappeared out of frame and Alex led them around the mansion towards the back. The path was lit with string lights, shining a warm glow as they walked. Making his way through the doors, Alex pointed towards the small table set for two with an array of desserts laid out behind them. Smiling at the lit candle, he strolled to the kitchen sink to rinse his hands, laughing when Michael playfully shoved him aside to do the same. Lowering into chairs opposite one another, they stared through the different pastries and looked up.

                “Romantic,” Michael grinned, reaching out towards the bowl of strawberries. “Open up.”

                Alex raised his brow and Michael chuckled as he leaned forward.

                “Come on, Private. Open up for me,” he flirted.

                Blushing slightly, Alex widened his mouth and took a bite from the fruit, his teeth catching on Michael’s thumb when he pulled back. They stared at one another across the table as Alex chewed, the air around them thick with unspoken words.

                “This all looks really good,” Alex said as he broke their gaze, reaching for a slice of cake.

                “Yeah, it does,” Michael nodded, but his eyes were firmly planted on the man seated opposite.

                “Come on, Guerin. Eat up,” Alex smiled. “You’ll need your strength.”

                “You have something else planned?”

                The spark in Alex’s eyes made Michael swallow and he quickly reached across the table to grab the first pastry he saw. They settled in their seats and started eating, both oblivious to the cameras lurking in the shadows around them.

                “How was your date with Ken Doll last night?” Michael asked, stuffing a pastry into his mouth. “He was bragging this morning.”

                “You jealous?” Alex snorted.

                Michael rolled his eyes but his silence was answer enough.

                “We had an amazing time,” Alex started, giving a dreamy smile that made Michael’s shoulders drop. “He’s everything I ever wanted. So strong and perfect, really easy on the eyes.”

                He held a straight face for a moment longer before bursting into laughs.

                “Honestly, the look on your face Guerin.”

                “Hold up, you lost me. Was the date a bust?” Michael frowned.

                “He talked a lot about himself,” Alex said, reaching for another bite. “I'll just leave it at that.”

                The wink he gave made Michael’s nerves settle, the smile returning to his face. When they were halfway through the pastries, Alex looked up from his plate and bit his lip. Slowly rising to his feet, he moved around the table, reaching out to take Michael’s hand. With their fingers tangled together, they moved through the guest house towards the back, entering the bathroom to see the large jacuzzi already warmed up. Turning towards Alex, Michael took a breath at the gentleness staring back at him.

                “Want to get in there with me?” Alex asked, swallowing his nerves.

                His smile was immediate when Michael started stripping out of his clothes. The enthusiasm made Alex laugh, watching as Michael tore down to his boxers and winked before climbing into the tub. The loud moan that sounded from his throat when the hot water grazed his skin made Alex lean forward, his lashes fluttering as he took a sharp breath.

                “The pressure’s amazing,” Michael smiled, turning back. “Take your clothes off and get in here with me.”

                Glancing down, Alex bit his lip as his trembling fingers began opening the buttons on his shirt. When the shake got too intense, he looked up ready to apologize but froze seeing Michael standing in front of him, no longer immersed in the water.

                “It’s just me,” Michael said softly, rubbing his thumbs across Alex’s pulse points, the touch gentle enough to sooth the soldier’s raging heart.

                “And the camera crew,” Alex managed.

                Smiling, Michael pulled him closer and shook his head. “Forget about them right now. Forget about everything and everyone. It’s just you and me.”

                Feeling a calm take over, Alex slowly removed the rest of his clothes, hesitating for a moment before taking his pants and shoes off. He stared down at his prosthetic for a long time, his eyes filling with shame.

                “Hey, none of that,” Michael cut through his thoughts. “It’s waterproof, right? Are you comfier keeping it on or off?”

                “Off,” Alex replied, clearing his throat to rid the shake from his voice.

                He lowered onto the small bench and reached for the straps that held the prosthetic to his leg. When his hands slipped on the buckle a third time, Michael kneeled down in front of him but kept his hands to himself.

                “Will you let me help you?”

                His tone was patient and Alex smiled as he nodded. Reaching to unhook the strap, Michael used gentle hands as he pulled the prosthetic off, lowering the piece to the ground and quickly lifting his eyes. Alex gave a sad smile before his own gaze lowered down, staring at the scars at the end of his limb.

                “It’s not easy for me,” he whispered, running a hand across his eyes.

                “We don’t have to get in the tub if you don’t want. We can get dressed and go back out to finish the rest of the food. Anything, Alex.”

                Licking his lips out of habit, Alex squared his shoulders and sat up, his resilience rushing back. Lifting up on his good leg, he moved around Michael using the safety bars the production crew had hastily installed and climbed across the edge into the water. Leaning back against the furthest wall, he looked up at Michael and smiled. Feeling the burst of emotions in his heart, Michael quietly climbed back in the tub and sat across.

                “Come here,” Alex finally said, lifting his hand towards him.

                Surprised at the gesture, Michael pushed forward through the water until their bodies were inches apart. They watched one another in silence, words not needed between them. Finally giving in, Alex leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Michael’s shoulders, burying his face against the warm neck. The sudden jolt in his heart almost knocked Michael backwards but he quickly circled his arms around Alex’s waist, his hands pushing their bodies even closer.

                “I missed you,” Alex whispered, his lips pressing into Michael’s throat. “I never thought I’d see you again, feel you, touch you.”

                “I missed you too,” Michael’s words were soft as he tightened his arms. “Ten years, not a damn day went by when you weren’t on my mind.”

                He felt the lips against his throat curve into a smile and let his hand press upwards until his fingers curled around the back of Alex’s head, playing with the wet strands at the edge of his hair. Pressing a kiss to his cheek, Alex made a soft sound as he moved away to bury his hands through Michael's curls. The smile on his face made something inside Michael break and heal at the same time. Brought together like magnets, they gave in to the heated pull and pressed their lips together. Reaching down under the water, Michael slid his hands around Alex, pulling both legs to wrap around his waist. The sudden move brought them closer as the kiss between them deepened.

                “Damn, I missed you,” Michael whispered, pushing the hair out of Alex’s face when they pulled back for air.

                Leaning in with a smile, Alex took his time with the kiss, exploring the open mouth pressed against his own. The moan between them was soft, their hands roaming around each other’s heated bodies. Before the passion could ignite, Alex pulled back and pressed their foreheads together, his fingers playing with Michael’s curls.

                “Well, that part hasn’t changed,” he chuckled, catching his breath as Michael lowered his face to kiss his throat.

                “Can’t believe I lasted ten years without this,” Michael said, letting his lips trail across Alex’s shoulders to leave a small bite behind his ear.

                “What I can’t believe is that our first kiss after ten years was just broadcasted on live television,” Alex groaned as he pulled away. “Liz, Maria and Kyle will never let me live this down.”

                The words brought Michael out of his fog and straight back to the present, remembering where he was and all the lingering questions he still had to ask. Desperate to keep the thoughts away, he leaned in and dragged Alex against him in a crushing hug.

                “Are you okay?” Alex asked, running his hands down Michael’s back in comfort.

                Quickly pulling back, Michael silenced them with another kiss, swallowing Alex’s taste with a swipe of his tongue.

                “I almost forgot how good a kisser you are,” Alex chuckled breathlessly.

                “Right back at you, Private,” Michael said with a small smile.

                “Come on, we should go. Think we gave the audience enough to talk about,” Alex said as he finally pulled away, lifting out of the tub and back onto the bench.

                Michael watched him dry his body and attach his prosthetic before climbing out after him. Dressed in robes and holding onto their clothes, they made their way out of the guest house down the pathway, moving slowly to lengthen their time. Reaching out on instinct, Michael curled their hands together, smiling when Alex looked away to hide the rosy tint on his cheeks.

                “You ever see your Dad?”

                Alex snapped his head towards him with a frown. “Why would you ask me about him?”

                “Just curious,” Michael shrugged. “You spoke a bit about him the other night on the beach with everyone, said he didn’t really change too much even after you joined the Air Force.”

                Sighing heavily, Alex ran his free hand through his hair and nodded. “We saw each other on base and whenever I helped the units with patrol, evacuations and all that.”

                “You guys ever spend time together one on one?”

                “Sure we did,” Alex nodded. “Not by choice, really. He sort of inserted himself everywhere I was, always quick to give his judgment, spewing the same regurgitated nonsense.”

                “He ever talk to you about any missions he was on?” Michael asked and quickly backtracked at the look on Alex’s face. “Just wondering what he’s been up to.”

                “Well, I know he took part in a lot of missions,” Alex started, his words making Michael look up. “Had a bunch of projects he was working on. I tried figuring it out but I could never get anything out of him. My brothers were carbon copies of him and blindly loyal so they were useless too.”

                “Projects,” Michael nodded. “Bet he gave his projects ridiculous names like Adam or Benny or Shepherd.”

                “I wouldn’t put that past him,” Alex snorted, missing the look in Michael’s eyes when he didn’t recognize the name that had been thrown out. “Why are you so curious about him anyway? You hate him. We both do for good reason.”

                “Just wanted to make sure he didn’t treat you bad over there,” Michael said, hating himself for the lie.

                “I had a lot of other problems over there,” Alex said quietly. “He was just one of many.”

                “What do you mean by that?” Michael asked.

                Instead of answering, Alex stopped as they reached the front driveway where Hank was waiting by the car.

                “Thanks for the date,” Alex turned towards him. “I had a really nice time.”

                “Me too,” Michael smiled, pressing a kiss to Alex’s cheek before letting their hands fall apart. “Get some rest. Dream of me.”

                Laughing at the confident words, Alex walked backwards down the driveway.

                “I’ll be thinking about how I kicked your ass at paintball,” he grinned.

                When the car disappeared through the gates, Michael rubbed his temple and let the air out of his lungs. Making his way back inside the mansion, he stopped at the doors to see Kevin blocking his path, glaring down at his robe.

                “Get out of my face,” Michael grumbled, pushing past him towards the stairs.

                Ryan was first to corner him upstairs but Michael gave a quick reply and locked himself inside the bathroom. Sliding down to the floor, he let his head fall back against the door with a gentle thud. Everything he had felt for Alex all those years ago, the feelings he’d kept muted through their decade apart were now front and center, pounding away at his heart. The three magic words were sharp on his tongue but the heaviness of his lies made him slip his eyes shut with a sigh.


	7. Author's Note

I just wanted to give a quick update as I know I haven't updated this one in a while. I had surgery a while back and my recovery time took longer than I thought it would. Then I got better, got back to my life, updated a couple other stories I was writing before I had a setback with my recovery.

I'm all better now and hoping to get back in the game real soon. Writing always helps me so I'll update as soon as I can :)


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